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Thursday, 3 January 2013

Diary of Woe - January 2013

January 2013

Tuesday 1st

* After sorting out the burnt oven, scared cat, broken table lamp, and cursing over the stubbed toe - I put on the laptop and updated this crap.

* The  lingering scent of burnt potatoes, (and I think the cat has left me a deposit somewhere), greeting me as I stirred into life. I awoke late, put the kettle on , took me medications, and midst the coughing fits, let out the cat out (off like s shot), then got on the laptop with a first time BT internet connection!  Yea!

* Looked out into the cold wet weathered street to see if the Cat wanted back in - and noticed the broken ale bottles, condom, and blood on the roadway. Home sweet home eh? was going to take a photo of it, but cold not locate the camera. (Well, I'd not used it for 16 hours). 

*  Eventually found camera. Popped over to see Stew and the delectable Margaret. Stew asked me to fetch him some electricity payment chits from the Co-op - so I had a little walk and got them for him, and returned them to him.

* Margaret was feeling tired again, still doing doubles at work during the pantomime season. Yet still she had a twinkle in her eyes, and stirred my loins. Took some photo while she was preparing Stewart's meal, and very nice it looked too.
Walked her home, and sadly left her and returned to the hovel.

* Put some chips in the oven, and goulash on a low light. Prepared some medication tubs in advance, and updated this tosh.


Wednesday 2nd

* Niggling cough joined my other ailments last night, to ensure another horrible sleep.

* Up around 0600hrs, no bother in WC, got BT internet connection first time! (Although is did play up later in the day).

* Went to see Stew to go  to doctors with him, but he'd already set off - so toddled to the surgery where I found him and his carer in waiting area. Asked if he wanted any shopping doing as I was going out on a walk when I left them.
Made appointment to see my GP about this 'orrible cough, as it causes the angina, sternum and throat a bit of bother when active.
Took photo of them in surgery and got told off! (Whoops!)


* Set off in the drizzle on a walk to B&M for cheap cat food, called into Aldi to see if they had any potato fritters, but no. Still, got some bread and veg.

* Walked back to the hovel, taking a photo of a vehicle parked right at the traffic lights on double yellow lines.
Like the white tail on the child on the right, not sure how or if it was a blob on the lens or if he actually had a bushy white tail coming through his rear end?
The white building at the rear is a medical centre and Boots outlet where the shootings took place last September.

* Got back and had some roasted veg and cheese - the veg I burnt to a very nice shade of off-black, and when I'd chiseled out the macaroni cheese from the pan and rescued half of it, it was all still eatable...ish.
The washing up was a bugger though!

* The usual fading away and falling asleep started earlier than usual, I tried watching a 'One Foot in the Grave' DVD, but the new headphones that replaced the old broken ones, picked up every bit of noise, and I'm not used to that.

* Couldn't find the card with my appointment time for the GP tomorrow (If it is for tomorrow), I'll call in on my walk later today and confirm it. Tsk! 

* Found the appointment card, it's for Friday, fancy me getting confused?


Thursday 3rd

* Up (coughing) around 0600hrs.

* Laptop on, and BT internet connection on third attempt Huh!

* Went over to see Stewart and Margaret, Margie still very busy at work, bless her. Stewart didn't ant anything to eat... a wuick glance around at the empty chocolate and biscuit wrappers explained why. Gave him next weeks TV paper.

* Bus to Bulwell and got some potatoe fritters, ham, bubble and squeak and microwave chips... if the Queen knew how well I lived she'd be jealous!

Friday 4th

* Up late for me at 0730hrs.

* Kettle on, WC, laptop started, WC, cuppa, on Satirist's Safe House, WC...

* Got a call on the new mobile from mate Trevor... could I get it to answer it? No!
Had to ring him back - he said I should email a photo of the mobile (due to my lack of knowledge as to which model it was). Then he could offer some advice.

* Got ready for visit to GP about me cough and depression, then to chemists for prescriptions.

* Got to doc's in time, and after telling her about me cough, she checked out me chest and said everything alright.
Told her about me feeling a bit depresses lately,  and she said if anything is making me feel depressed I have to change those things. (So, if you read of a bank raid in Nottingham, it might have been me!).
She reduced the strength of some of me medications - Furosimide from 40 to 20mg, and Rampril to 7.5mg.

* We wished each other a happy new year, and I hobbled to the chemists for me prescriptions.

* Called to see Margaret and Stew on the way back, but they were out.

* On laptop (BT internet connection working okay - amazing!


Saturday 5th

* Up around 0600hrs, urgent visit to the WC (no blood or pain!), kettle on for a cuppa. Realised this was going to be a day of confusion for me, hard to concentrate this morning.
Feeling a bit down.

* Went over to see Margaret and Stew - Margie looked wonderful despite the long hours she's working.

* I took a photo of the radiant Margie, who then took a photo of me - a little shaky as you can see below left? (or was I sneezing?)

* Walked home with her and then on to chemist to return the Furosomide tablets, then went to be sneered at in Lidl.


* When I got back, I felt drained, and the usual nodding off into oblivion started as soon as  I'd finished me nosh, although interrupted by urgent calls of nature sporadically for the rest of the day and night!

* Enjoyed the pleasant sounds of the police and Fire engine sirens as they came to visit the local 'hoodies' and put out the car fire they'd started. The little monkeys! (Huh!)

* I must commend BT today, their internet connection only went down twice - although at times it was incredibly slow.

* The burnt oven pan and potatoe fritters were due to my having a phone call on me mobile just at the time they should have been taken out - and I could not answer the call, and managed to cut the lad off - so had to try (several times, the bloody diddy fiddling bloomin' buttons!) and call him back... what a farce, it kept jumping to another screen, and as for pressing the wrong numbers... it was easy with my stubby fingers!


Sunday 6th

* Up at 0615hrs, rush to WC (Just in time), laptop on, cuppa made... fell asleep again.

* Went over to see Margaret and Stew - Margaret not there again... blow it!

* Eventually gave up with BT internet connection.

Tuesday 8th

* Up around 0530hrs - after a rather confusing night of 'orrible dreams, with a new pain in the  sternum, but the ulcer, hernia, impetigo, rear-end and arthritis all calmish this morning. (crossed fingers).

* Concentration not good.

* Horrible day.


Tuesday 8th

* Up at 0520hrs - coughing. WC (Blood), Ablutions, Cuppa, and tried to get on the web for more than three minutes at a time - failed and gave up.

* Got things ready for the blood test visit - paperwork, mobile, long johns on, gloves, and long sleeve t-shirt under thick jumper.

* Set off on walk to the QMC, although it looked cold outside from inside, it was dank but warm - and I was wringing with sweat by the time I arrived - in record time of 1hr 21m - at the QMC.
Tended to quickly by a most desirable nurse, caught the bus to town, then out to the hovel. 

* Called in Lidl to buy a two cobs and be scowled at by the retail trades experts.

* Then called at paper shop to get TV mags for Margaret and Stew for next week.
Called at Stew's to drop them off, Stew not looking so good today.

* Put some potatoes in the oven when I got back to the hovel, WC, cuppa, and managed to get a BT connection to do this update to here.

* Had a call from police to see if I noticed anything last night.

* Spent hours and went beyond me bedtime doing graphics, and BT Internet connection only failed twice during this session.


Wednesday 9th

* Up at o555hrs - Laptop on, WC (blood again), made cuppa, took med's, checked on Facebook and SSH for messages.

* Did graphic that took three hours for SSH. Well pleased with it though, despite losing connection a few time - thanks BT.

* Got paperwork ready to take with me on walk to town to find Co-op Insurance place on Talbot Street and get content cover.

* Called at Stew's on way out to see if he needed anything fetching. No Margaret, she'd been and gone.

* Realised I'd left the paperwork behind, and got to Talbot Street but no Co-op there!

* Walked to the Co-op bank, and found a chap there who could help - had to wait a good while, but Daren was very helpful and patient with me over the hearing prob's.
Not only that, he rang Swinton's and cancelled my house cover with them, as the Co-op offered me cover for both on the same policy for £15 less!
Then he obligingly called the RAC to cancel them too.
Damned fine chap!

* Got bus to Carrington, and walked up to the hovel. Passing the school, I was actually hit on the head by a wayward football from the penitentiary (school) playground. Bless em!

* Getting a bit pissed now, keep losing BT connection...

Thursday 10th

* Up, WC, laptop on, ablutions, cuppa BT not too bad, WC.

* Not a good day.


Friday 11th

* What wiv angina giving me hassle and bother, I stirred into wakefulness, and was then rather annoyed at the lack of reliable connection to BT internet.

* Then the visit to the WC brought forth more maladies.

* Then the kettle refused to heat the water within it!

* Then I dropped a bottle of disinfectant.

* At this stage, I was ever so slightly wee'd off with my imitation life.

* Did manage to do some graphics for the Satirist's Safe House though.

* Went over to see Margaret and Stew, asked if he needed anything from the shops, and took em some nibbles.
Margaret is still doing long hours at work, but somehow managing to still look radiant. Walked her home, then set off on me walk to Asda.

* Got some cheapo bacon cobs, Asda Smartprice battered fish portions (99p for 4 - good value eh?), a loaf, milk, tins Asda Smartprice baked beans and sausage, Asda Smartprice Garden peas, and forgot the Asda Smartprice tea bags I went for in the first place.

* Fed pigeons on the Forest, cursed myself for buying too much heavy stuff, and hobbled painfully back to the hovel.

* Had a nosh, then after a bash on the BT intermittent internet fell into fits of kip... another scintillating day in the life of a failure.


Saturday 12th

* Woke up around 0530hrs, urgent visit to the WC (No blood today), Laptop internet connection first time this morning... bloody slow, but still.

* Made cuppa and took medications accompanied by emissions of wind from the anus at regular intervals throughout the day.

* Did graphics, and contributed a bit to the Satirist's Safe House Forum.

* Cold this morning, but it's going to get worse according to the pulchritudinous fine chested weather lady.

* Popped over to see Margaret and Stewart... on going in I sang them a song - AMrgaret joined in, and Stewart laughed out loud. So I've brought a smile to someone's face at least, and that's good.

* Walked Margie home, and set off on me planned day out.

* Plan: Walk to town, go to 99p shop and get some stuff for Stewart, then catch the tram to Bulwell to try and get some bits for Margaret. Then get bus back to the hovel.

All went well enough up to catching the tram to Bulwell.

* There are only two tram routes, one to Hucknall via Bulwell, and one to Nuthall.
They always run alternatively, so seeing the Nuthall tram pull out, I naturally got on the next one - which was also a Nuthall one I discovered?
No one told me, I thought, that the Bulwell tram was not running!
When I alighted the tram, I had a 20 minute walk to get to Bulwell - that was when I saw the sign on the side of the tram that the Bulwell trams were not running today. (Twit!)
During this walk, the knees started playing up - huh!

* Did the shopping, and missed the bus back, so waited for the next.
During the trip, I learned an awful lot about a lady passenger: She had a loud voice - She must have had free calls at the weekend as she was on the mobile for 28 minutes - She had a daughter waiting for her with cauliflower cheese prepared for her tea, - 'Alf' was visiting her daughter this weekend - She'd bought some make-up (Foundation and Stretch cream?) from Boots on offer - She'd got stuff for her hampster...

* Got home, made a nosh, fell asleep.

* Woke up, and updated this waffle.


Sunday 13th

* Up at 0340hrs.

* Started laptop, made a cuppa and took photo's to indicate the state of me and the morning.

*By 0400hrs, after several 'Server sent no date' notices, I got on the web!

* Damned cold one today - suppose it's the same everywhere in the UK too, and worse in some areas.
Brrr!

* 0410hrs.... BT connection slow but still here after 10 minutes!

* Cough medicine taken along with 'normal medications...

* Not very happy this morning, I've had to reset, turn off and on, or restart BT internet at least 16 times!
This has ruined my enjoyment of making graphics - and has caused me to use language that is not acceptable really - the Bastards!


* Note on the photo the broadband light - wasn't lit again! Ah well

Monday 14th

* Good morning each. Well, I say good morning...

* Me waterworks certainly do not need any help this food day of our Lord... blimey!

* BT broadband internet playing up again - gnash, spit, curse!

* At least seeing the snow undisturbed gave me a feeling of security - in that the burglars, yobbos and debt collectors have not made a call during the night! (You can laugh!).


* Made a graphic to put on the Satirist Safe House site - despite BT's obvious intention to prevent me from doing so and giving me another heart failure.

* BT continuing to cause me hassle... Grrr!

* WC visits now at a record level - maybe BT knew about me problem, and thus cut off the internet connection at regular intervals so I could nip to the WC?

* Bravely had a  bath, cuppa then went over to see Margaret.

* Snow getting heavier now.

* Nipped out to get her some power cards, and bit of nosh for meself from Lidl.

* Took photo of St Johns as I passed as it sounded so beautiful when Margaret described it to me.


* Popped back to cuddle... er see Margaret and take her card and nibbles wot I got for her.

* Nice meal - roast parsnips and potatoes, beetroot, garden peas and sweetcorn, and a veg'n'rusk burger... oh, and two slices of wholemeal bread... followed by a Greek style yogurt with golden syrup added!

* Now going to watch Carry on Cabbie film... I like em!



Tuesday 15th

*What an 'orrible night! Nasty dreams of all sorts, menacing pains in the chest when I woke up coughing, passing wind, and with the hernia giving me jip along with the angina and urgently requiring to use the WC - then realised it was laundry day, painfully got the things ready and wondered if it was all worth it.
By the time I'd make a cuppa and took me medications after stubbing me toe, I realised it must be worth it, as the BT internet connection refused to work again!

* Off to the launderette with me two bags of washing and some bird seed to feed the dickies on the way.

* Struggled a bit on the ice walking to launderette. The lady behind the counter I found to be still desirous of my body, and greatly in love with me... Well she asked if I was alright anyway.

* The flippin' driers took £3.20 to dry me togs. big John Wayne (photo) came in and we had a laugh. I mentioned how bad the side roads were with ice and how I was a bit weary walking there - and he insisted on running me home - nice and appreciated that.

* Called at Stew's on the way back.

*Stew's cat Chloe shot in the house when I opened the door to get me bags through - she has now commandeered the chair.


Wednesday 16th

* Up around 0630hrs, WC (No blood), laptop on, cuppa, medications taken, flashing blue lights from the road outside ignored, BT internet connection slow again... but working.

* Feeling so low today. The curtains are falling to pieces, I am incapable of cleaning the hovel, the roof is in a bad state, and I have water coming through the kitchen ceiling. The finances are almost non-existent. Bending reaching and stretching is painful. And I dare not go on me walks due to the icy conditions. Action is needed, concentration not good.
Poor sad old self-pitying bugger! Pathetic state to end up in.

* Today's graphic is of three grand ex-Spoofer's, now with Gaztops on the Satirist's Safe House site.
They each have individually superb satire and humour writing skills that I admire, but they ought not to be let out without an escort really...


* Bad day I'm afraid - a bit down and can't help it.

* Did nothing but eat and internet (when permitted by BT connection of course).

Thursday 17th

I love this funny photo, and thought I'd share it with you all
* Up at 0400hrs. Weird rather than scary dreams last night.

* WC, laptop started, cuppa, and up till now, no sneezing!

* Amazingly got onto internet at first attempt and still on after 25 minutes! Hurrah!

* Went over to see Margie and Stewart, Margie was out doing shopping for Stew, and I asked if he wanted TV paper fetching as I was going to shops to get me bread.

* Met Margaret on her way back to Stew's as I walked down the road, gave her some nibbles and had a quick natter, then moved on to the shops where I spent too much money again.

* Dropped TV mag's off for them both, then returned to the hovel for the rest of the day, and a solitary existence.

* BT Internet playing up again. Periods of nodding off are increasing again too... hey-ho!


Friday 18th

* Up around 0450hrs. Pains in chest bothersome. Quick hobble to the WC (No blood), kettle on, laptop on (with BT internet working!), Medications taken.

* Went over to see Margaret and Stew - as the snow belted down again.
Both busy.

* I'm going nowhere again today in this weather - I wonder now how I managed when I was working?


* Idle day on the web, did manage to do some graphics and post them.

* Also did a piece for the SSH (Satirist's Safe House) about Nottingham, but it was hard work with me concentration like wot it is at the moment.

* Saw this on Facebook (Left) from Sarah Hartles - not seen anything so funny for a long time, just had to comment on it on the Facebook page - hilarious error!

* Well, feeling a bit hungry now, so I'll warm the oven up and do some roast parsnips and cheesy instant mash potatoes... I know I know... the Queen would be jealous if she knew how well I lived...

* Not heard from sister Jane and hubby Pete lately, must phone them in the morning.


Saturday 19th

* Up around 0600hrs , WC , peeped out at the snow, Came back in and locked the door, laptop on, cuppa, medications... and guess what? No BT internet connection, yes really it's true, amazing, unbelievable I know... but on only the third attempt - I got it on!

* Did some emails, then some graphics for the SSH gallery.

* Went over to see if Stew was alright, Margie not turned out in the dangerous icy conditions... don't blame her either.


* Fed the pigeons, poor things.

* Pavements very dangerous with the ice - not sure how I'll get to QMC for my Warfarin level tests on Tuesday, I usually enjoy the good long walk - but not in these conditions.

* Flippin' cold one tonight.. Brrr!

* I'd put the kettle on, but it's so cold in the kitchen, I'll stay her in me chair with the blanket over me knees, hat gloves and scarf on, and still feeling cold!


Sunday 20th

I should have put Landlord not Skivvy. Twit!
* Up around 0700hrs. WC, togs on, laptop on, kettle on and back to the WC. (A performance that was repeated with great regularity throughout the day).

* BT internet only went down twice today... I'm thinking of writing to the Pope, Kofi Annan, and the Queen to praise BT's efforts?

* Went over to see Stew, he was okay, took him some popcorn to nibble.

* I fed the starving pigeons, and was going to take a photo of them - when the camera failed to take the shot... I realised the batteries were not in. After a search over the next two hours or so, and failing to find them... I gave up?


* Scurried back to the hovel to avoid the cold.

* Frozen ready meal and a yogurt were partaken of. (I cooked the meal before eating it of course you understand?)

* Sorted medication doses into their little tubs, AM, midday and PM. Stacked them all neatly - then realised I'd missed the Furosomide off, calmly I opened all the AM boxes and added the missing dosages. (Must have a rest now, all this physical work, I'm not used to it you know!)

* Still concerned about how to get to hospital on Tuesday for me Warfarin level checks... I'll see if i can manage to walk to GP surgery in the AM, and ask if they can do me checks there this week... I think - it's just that one of the surgery nurses scares me to death!


Monday 21st

* Up at 0700hrs, WC, medications, laptop on (with BT connection too!), cuppa and ablutions.

* Bit more snow fell and settled on top of the deadly ice... nice!


* Found the missing batteries for the camera - I just can't understand how I missed them on my last search, as they nestled between me boxes of medications?

* Opened door to take photo of snow, and Chloe (Stew's cat), shot in and meowed me to death for some food.
Took photo of neighbour Pete clearing the snow from his work van. Then another photo in the direction I will soon be struggling to walk on, on me way to the QMC for me Warfarin level tests. No walking there today - got to wait until 0920hrs so I can use me bus-pass.

* About to turn off the laptop and get ready for my trip - and the snow has kindly started to fall rather heavily from the skies... Oh dear!

* Set off for the 'Journey of Woe...'

I struggled on the ice and snow to the bus stop on Mansfield Road - just in time to miss two buses...

'Good job' I thought, that the second bus in town to catch, was only a few hundred yards from where I drop off of this bus....

Turned out that road-works were taking place, and the bus-stops had been temporarily moved to many other bus-stops in the city centre.
A note on the shelter informed me that the number 37 bus (the one I wanted), now departed from T16 bus-top on Burton Street.

On arrival at Burton Street, I checked the five bus-stops, but none displayed any T numbers...
A bus company chappie appeared with the sign on his hi-vis jacket back 'NCT - Can I help you' - he was being followed by several other would be passengers asking for advice...
I awaited my turn and asked where this bus stop was for the 37 bus. At this precise time, a Post Office van gently skidded into the side of the road at the nearest bus stop, and gently nudged the pole with the bus sign on, dislodging the snow that covered the temp sign informing us that the 37 currently leaves from this bus-stop!

We both had a laugh as I said 'No problem, I've got it now mate!'

* Of on the stop start journey, arriving at the QMC, I coughed my way through the No Smoking Area signed front entrance, and got me ticket form the machine and joined the queue. Usually there would be many copies of the Metro to read from, today, there was just one. I sat down and got me things in readiness for the procedure to come - took off me jacket and jumper put them in the carrier bag - got me 
Anticoagulation and Antiplatelet record out ready, and the bag of nibbles I treat the nurses to each visit.
Sat back to read the Metro, that a chap 3 seats away was now reading?

* At this stage, I realised it was Monday not Tuesday (my appointment date).

* When I was called in I explained to the nurse, who just laughed gently and gave me the standard 'Poor old twit' look.
I was tended to, and gave them the nibbles.

* The snow was falling again as I left coughingly through the 'No Smiking Area' out into the fresh crisp cold snow filled air.

* Noticing a number 37 at its stop, I increased me hobble-pace to arrive in time before it departed - a kind young man helped pick me up and asked if I was alright after my tumble on the ice... I was okay just embarrassed, and awaited the arrival of the next 37 bus.

* A lady in a wheelchair joined the others in the queue, and when the bus arrived, a said for her to enter first, as the bus driver had to drop the thingy that let her drive straight on. As she caught me arthritic knee, I smiled, hiding the pain.

* I kept well clear of her and exited last on arrival in town.

* Now, to find where the Arnold buses are leaving from, as I got off the bus, I noticed one at the bus-stop immediately in front of us - good!
Well it should have been, had it not pulled away as I drew level with the door...

* The snow stopped falling as I awaited the arrival of the next bus.

* On the journey, I decided I'd drop off early (as I was out anyway) and get some bread, milk, ready meal, chips and crisps for Margaret and Stewart.

At the check out, a bloke asked when it was my turn, 'Can i go first if you don't mind, I've only got two things and I have work to go to?'
I waved him passed, and foolishly said out loud 'Anyone else only got two bits? Go on through. Sod me they did! Two more of em... had to laugh though.

* Off the main road, the conditions were positively unsafe underfoot, especially with the two bags to carry. The pigeons swooped down to be fed - how did they know it was me and had nosh in me bag?

* I struggled on to the street, and called at Stews, but no one was at home. Then remembered it was a Monday, Stew's day at the social centre... what a day up till now!

* I scurried slowly back to the hovel, to find Cloe, Stews cat had again commandeered the only chair, curled up she looked at me with a look that said 'You try and move me you old git... just try!' Then curled back up again with in a determined manner.

* Put some chips in the oven, then moved laptop so as not to disturb the animal, and sat on the stool operating it to do this entry. Eating the chips off me knee. (well, they were on a plate).


* I had a good talk with Chloe about her manipulating the chair. I calmly explained that I needed the use of the chair for a while, to sit and watch a DVD.
This had little impression on her.
I tried to explain that she and her ancestors were actually alien to these shores, only brought here by idiots who thought bringing smelly, furry fanged mini-killing machines into the country as pets was a good idea. So she should give up her chair for me!
This had little impression on her.
I pointed out that her pet (owner) was a chap called Stewart. Who kicked her out every day whatever the weather around 1200hrs. I was one of the idiots who felt sorry for her, and allow her in to keep warm and feed her.
This had little impression on her.

" I boldly attacked her in a bid to remove her from the chair... now where are the Elastoplasts?...


Tuesday 22nd

* Up and to the loo at 0535hrs (no problems there) - made cuppa, noticed a little snow had fallen on the already deadly streets outside, glad I got to the hospital yesterday now, turned on TV ready to watch 'Heartbeat' when it came on... hello blue flashing lights on the street, they're early today... another burglary, mugging, or drug raid? Won't be a burglary, they usually just issue a crime number for the insurance a few days later around here.

* A wonderful period of utter frustration followed, as I attempted to get a BT internet connection. Reset button - through the BT help procedure, reboot, restart, on/off... still it did come back before I committed suicide...

* Brother-in-Law Pete called - looked at digital radio to try and sort out how to cancel the alarm and save stations: He reports, Manage without presets, but got rid of the alarm.

* He then had a look at the possible source of the wet coming through the kitchen ceiling, He reports, He'll have a look again when he has more time.

* He then took some photos of me... the brave fool!


Wednesday 23rd

Not liking going out in the cold yer know!
* Another 'orrible night, but not with pain and physical discomfort for a change - just the bodies refusal to go to sleep!

I'd nod for few minutes then spring wide awake. First  time I put the TV on and watched some Wrestling, turned it off and tried to get me head down again.Second time gave up trying to kip, and made a cuppa and read me book for a while, but me concentration was absent.
Then tried to get me head down again.
Third time I put on the laptop, but lost the BT internet signal after a few minutes. Made another cuppa.
Forth time I managed a few minutes kip, then sprang wide awake again!
Tried the laptop again... no BT internet. Went through the usual reboot laptop, reset BT box, set box to default, turn off laptop, reboot laptop... gave up and made another cuppa.
Fifth time I sprang awake, I tried to concentrate on me crossword book - the pen ran out of ink. 
Sixth time I sprang awake, I put the BBC news on and pondered on what the day would bring. Tonight was forecast to be -10 degrees... this news prompted me to get out today,
I'll nip over to Stews and find out how he and Margaret are, and fetch them some nosh if they liked from the shops. 'Cause it sure as hell sounds like it will be more risky and dangerous to go out in the morning mega-freeze.

* Abluted and went over to Stew's later. He was in fine form, but Margaret had suffered a fall and got bruising and was at home with daughter looking after her. I phoned her, but no answer, poor thing.
Stew wanted a couple of things from the shops, so I set off with me bird seed and bags to fetch me nosh from Lidl.

* The pavements of the main road were atrociously dangerous. I took my time, and picked the least affected areas to hobble over. The pigeons descended as they saw me approached the ice covered usually green area, and I emptied me box of seed, so bought a replacement at Lidl, along with me veg burgers, bread, bananas, replacement bird-seed and milk along with the TV paper and Popcorn for Stew.

* Hobbled precariously back to Stews, and gave him his bits. Then back to the cold hovel across the road.

* Put oven on to warm up, made a cuppa, and failed to get the BT internet connection on wi-fi on laptop. Amidst my going though the usual routine, I realised I must have caught the on/off toggle button for the wi-fi, as it was off - oh dear what a plonker!

* Updated this rubbish, then started heating me nosh.

Thursday 24th

* Another 'orrible night, but this time with the knees far from comfortable, along with the bodies refusal to go to sleep. 


Friday 25th

SSH's Frankie - from West Virginia. (As I imagine him)
* Another 'orrible nights lack of sleep, but now I've realised why methinks!
It's because of the weather not allowing me to get me walks in? Sooner the better when the ice goes and I can go on me marathon walks - rain, snow, ice, arthritis and wind permitting!

* Still felt tired when I got up around 0700hrs - urgent hobble to the WC, cuppa and medications taken, laptop on... at BT internet connection first time!

* Peeped outside, and could see some bits of the pavement and road cleared of ice - decided to have a good walk into the City... carefully.

* Nipped in to see Stewart, asked if he was okay or wanted owt fetching. He asked if I'd go with him for his blood tests next Wednesday - said it would be no problem.
Set off on me careful walk into town - feeling a little like alright.

* Quarter of the way up Mansfield Road, witnessed a car reversing out of a driveway, and being hit by a White Van.
I was going to take a photo of it, but when I realised I'd left the card thingy in the laptop, decided not to bother.

* Going down Mansfield Road into towards town, saw seven police vehicles belting it out of town to the North.

* In town, walking passed Victoria Centre, I observed three police officers enjoying the difficult job of getting someone into their Transit Van (Shoplifter probably).

* Walking down Clumber Street, and I only counted five big issue sellers... where the other three were I don't know.

* Police cars outside the American shop on Bridlesmith Gate.

* Going down the escalator into Broad Marsh shopping centre to the 99p store, noticed it was shuddering rather worryingly.

* 99p store didn't have a great selection today, but got some nibbles for the QMC and GP  staff, and a plastic container to replace the one I managed to misplace at home.

* Called in at Primark, and got a pair of cheapo trousers from the damaged section (Discoloured).

* On the way through the city centre to the 'temporary' (I remembered!) bus stop on South Sherwood Street, came across an elderley chap who had taken a fall on the pavement, being tended to by three people.
I noticed he was bleeding heavily from a small cut on his cheek - and intervened to ask him of he was on Warfarin - he was not, so I thanked the others for helping him and kept out it.

* Dropped off the bus, and decided to walk a longer route back to the hovel to avoid the worst of the ice.
Near the detention centre... I mean school, I was suddenly surrounded by so many pigeons it drew a crowd of people.

* Had instant mash, roast parsnips, garden peas, cooked beetroot and sausage for nosh. Exciting day out, and a glorious meal eh? (Eat your heart out Your Majesty!).


Saturday 26th

* Aha! sleep at last... a bit broken with the now usual 'orrible dreams, but at least I got some real kip for a couple of hours unbroken. Good stuff!
I put it down to the fact that I got a decent walk in yesterday.

* Up around 0645hrs, peeped outside to see we'd a wee bit of fresh snow, but it looks like it's already starting to thaw. took a photo.

* WC attended for the first of many anticipated visits (no blood, more good news for today). I took the TV paper with me in anticipation of a long visit - and was very pleased when I noticed that the 1959 colour film 'The Mouse that Roared' was due on BBC2 in ten minutes!

Peter Sellers Peter Sellers...
Jean SebergJean Seberg...
Helen Kokintz


William HartnellWilliam Hartnell...
Will Buckley
David KossoffDavid Kossoff...
Leo McKernLeo McKern...

Glorious!

* Made a quick cuppa, launched the laptop, started this update, and put the telly on to watch the film!

* Remembered just in time to take me medication!

* The day is totally destroyed - letter from Gas company informing me that my electricity payments have been increased by 120%... that's knackered me up.

* Not much interest in anything now - but forced meself to go over and see how Stew and Margaret are getting on.


Monday 28th

* Another bad nights kip I'm afraid - got up just in time to take me med's. Depressed.

* Remembered Margaret should be at Stew's today, and cheered up emphatically.

* WC, ablutions, change of togs. shave and a sh... well, I got ready to go out.

* Popped over to see Margaret at Stew's - Joy of joy, she was in!
Still suffering with her bruised ribs, but managing to  look attractive, and pulsatingly desirable.

* Went on me walk around the Forest then to Asda.

* Took camera (with batteries) with me.

* On Gregory Boulevard, I noticed that further restrictions on parking were being implemented with Cyclist lane and yellow lines.
That'll make it even harder for the poor sods who work thereabouts.

* A little further up the road, and I came across where one motorist (or joyrider) seemed to have  found a place to park - on the Traffic Island near Nottingham Road!

* The police had it all under control though, they'd stuck a 'Police Aware' notice on the window.

* In the second photo, the Mercedes plowed into the rear of a car at the pelican lights moments later. 


Tuesday 29th

* 0010hrs - Despite getting a good walk yesterday, still no sleep. Made cuppa. Did a bit on computer.  Watched TV. Read my 'Berlin the Downfall' book. And still the body and mind tells me I'm not tired at 0145hrs?

* Surprisingly, despite being awake, I've only been to to the WC twice in five hours - I'm getting a little confused now...

* I tried listening to Jazz radio for a while.

* I did eventually nod off (not sure when, but it was after 0300hrs).

* Awoke drearily at 0920hrs - so missed me medication times - I'll suffer for that later!


* Decided against going out for a walk today, just as well really as the waterworks are flourishing again with great regularity, and the angina is bad. (Not surprising is it with me missing me medications?)

* Colonel Juan on the SSH has written a satire piece that is brilliant. I did a graphic that he might be able to use, here it is. Took about three hours to create, but it's not too bad, I hope he can make use of it, along with the masterpiece he's written.

* Here it is:
A little long, but worth reading methinks!

BBC TV's NEW SERIES - "DANTON ABBEY" - WRITTEN-OFF AFTER BETHNAL GREEN PILE-UP

Millions of petrolheads, excitedly waiting for the BBC's first ever Bethnal Green costume drama, are in for a big disappointment.
'Danton Abbey' - Harold Pinter's posthumous £80m twelve-part blockbuster, set in a dodgy backstreet garage off the Mile End Road, now looks unlikely to ever make it onto the small screen.
"It's a right sodding balls-up," moaned born-and-bred local, Danton Olivier, a handsome second-hand car dealer cast to make his film début as Jennings, the heroic manager of the Danton Abbey Garage.
"It's like this you see," Olivier told Sunday Times bent-as-a-ten-bob-note Arts Correspondent, Roderick Prosser. "Lady Bunton brings her Porsche 911 in to Danton Abbey for a 5000 mile service, which means my character gets to give her one - on the workbench round the back of her old man's Roller. Which also happens to be in for a new set of brake pads."
"Anyway, to put Pinter's screenplay in a nutshell:- Lord Bunton minces in to settle his bill, when he inadvertently catches Tyre-Bay Dave bang to rights on the pressure gauge with his leg over his Lordship's second daughter, Lady Mildred.
Which means that in his official position as both magistrate and Lord High Sheriff, Lord Bunton is obliged to take Dave out of circulation, via the 12 bore he keeps hidden in the boot."
"But this only complicates the situation. So Lady Bunton and Lorna the tea-lady then have to drag the dead body out of the inspection-pit and dump it in the gents. Just in case Lady Mildred should lose her reputation, on account of her begging a kick-start off one of us filthy minded, lowlife, working class sex-machines."
"Everyone then decides to go down Epping Forest to shoot rabbits. But just as we get to Bromley-by Bow, the sodding Roller goes and blows a head gasket. So muggins here ends up underneath with an oily spanner - and buck-toothed 18 year old Lady Fenella, Lord Bunton's third daughter. Who wants to be shown what a big end looks like."
To go on cutting a long story short, by the time we get to the closing titles of Episode One, it looks like my character's about to get lucky and inspect Lorna's chassis.
But just when I'm planning to slide me greasy hand under the bonnet, the two-timing cow does a Pinteresque somersault and buggers off to fix Lady Bunton's spark plugs. Whilst I get an E-mail saying I probably got a dose of the clap off Lady Fenella.
So quick as a flash I whips down to Homerton General for a diagnostic test. Whereupon who should I soddin' bump into but Daphne Froggatt - that chubby Welsh scrubber with the massive ignition box what does for Lady Mildred.
"So", I says to Daphne, all très nonchalant like. "Wot's a plump little slapper like you doin' in an upmarket drinking club like this?"
"At which point she breaks down and confesses. She'd gone round Valance Road to see the duchess in order to polish the old girl's front step. When who should turn up on his motorbike but Sidney Varley.
"Well I mean," she splutters. "Nobody messes with Sid Varley. So I let him ave a quick feel of me sumps. But then he gets all cheeky like and decides to shove his bleedin' camshaft right up me bloomin' exhaust pipe. So 'ere I am."
Hence it's no surprise that by the time we reach the start of Episode Two, Daphne has given birth to her illegitimate HIV positive twins and Lord Bunton has escaped from HMP Gartree and promoted Jennings to be his personal chauffeur/mechanic.
But all goes wrong when his Lordship's 86 year old mother, the Dowager Countess Bunton, orders me (Jennings) to give her a courtesy road test. In the bath of her mews cottage just off Hackney Downs.
Well now, Jennings is many things but he aint no plumber. So when the old girl has a multi-orgasm and puts her foot through five grands worth of mock Tudor stained-glass window, he realises its time to do a runner.
So he hot foots it back up the Mile End Road and takes shelter in a smoked salmon bagel bar run by 73 year old transvestite gospel singer, Hymie Goldberg.
Right. Now listen carefully or you'll get lost.
Hymie's precocious teenage daughter, Goldie Goldberg, takes one look at Jennings and immediately changes her name by deed poll to Marilyn Lux. Telling him she wants to leave Whitechapel and go with him to Hollywood to star in a prestigious new BBC costume drama about East End motor mechanics.
It's one of them Pinteresque play-within-a-play devices. Strictly for the intellectuals.
Anyway. Straight after the audition, Marilyn Lux runs off in tears to get the morning-after pill. And never appears again. Which is a terrible shame because the kid who played her, Melanie Hardcastle from a mining village outside Dewsbury, was quite handy with the lubricants and had a spectacular pair of jump leads.
A red herring in an otherwise simple storyline.
Meanwhile Jennings catches a 254 bus and makes his way back to Danton Abbey. By this time he's emotionally worn out and it's getting late. But not too late to pick up a takeaway from the Curried Pie & Eel shop in Brick Lane. Just before the next sub plot kicks in and a Maltese gamekeeper arrives back from Epping with half a ton of gold bullion that somehow fell off the back of an old apple tree.
That's when the tsunami strikes.
Or rather, that's when the tsunami was meant to strike.
According to Pinter's original screenplay, an 80 foot high tsunami surges up the River Thames and takes out Tower Bridge. Thousands drown. Whilst hundreds of naked schoolgirls gather on roof tops waiting to be rescued by RAF helicopters piloted by one-legged dwarves. Malaria breaks out and the police make several arrests. It's the dramatic high point of Episode Two and integral to the entire plot.
Vernon Peacock, the BAFTA award winning vegetarian director of 'Danton Abbey' and world famous for his charity work with Cambodian orphans, planned to film this entire sequence in Phnom Penh. Using the advanced computer graphic equipment provided free in the Big Boy bridal suite of the Holiday Inn Hotel..
"Vernon's got a bit of a thing about curly haired one-legged boys from Cambodia," explained Danton Olivier.
"So he took a minor liberty and got Walthamstow hairdresser, Bunny Warren, to add a new scene. Something that never occurred to Pinter. A dramatic sequence that would elegantly link the takeaway curry house in Brick Lane to the tragic collapse of Tower Bridge itself.
"In Bunny Warren's rewrite, the second the tsunami strikes the bridge - instead of staying with Harold Pinter's naked schoolgirls jumping up and down on the rooftops - the action cuts away to a far more socially relevant scenario :-
A massive Easter Parade up the Mile End Road, involving hundreds of naked, curly haired, one-legged schoolboys - all marching on Bethnal Green to protest about the enforced closure of a Youth Club in Tower Hamlets."
"Even I found it deeply moving," said Olivier as he wiped away a hot tear. "One of the most emotional scenes I've come across in ten years as an actor with the Shoreditch Building Society."
Nevertheless, and despite 100% support from the cast (who all fancied a freebie to Cambodia) Bunny Warren's heartbreaking Easter Parade scene was never to be.
The minute Max Angelis heard about Warren's rewrite, Danton Abbey was doomed to end it's days on the cutting room floor. Just another brilliant literary dream, cruelly reduced by a despotic movie mogul into a pile of useless trash.
Max Angelis, for all those unfamiliar with Britain's theatrical elite, is the formidable Literary Manager and Trustee of the Harold Pinter Housing Estate in Waltham Forest.
"If our Harold got a whiff of what Bunny Warren was planning on doing to Danton Abbey' he'd turn in his sodding grave, " revealed Cheltenham Ladies College educated Angelis.
"It's an outrage. An insult to Pinter's artistic integrity. And a cheapskate slap in the face to the entire Norwegian Nobel Prize committee," he said with tears spilling down his face.
"Harold loved 'Danton Abbey'. He truly loved it," wept Angelis. "It was his Byronesque Ode to Cockney Mechanics.
"He rated it a thousand times better than A Slight Throb In The Knob (1958). Better even than his seminal work The Dumb Dwarf (1960) . He actually told me in private it was the best bit of literary porn since Frank Inchcock's 1660's Restoration romp round Nottingham, 'No Man's Gland'.
"Danton Abbey was to be his epitaph".
Ten minutes later, Max Angelis picked up the blower and pulled the financial plug on Vernon Peacock's parent company, Cambodian Curly Boy Pictures Ltd.
Seconds later the entire catering staff of Danton Abbey walked out and production ground to a halt.
That was yesterday.
"It's a shaggin' stand-off," said Danton Olivier as he contemplated the life of a broken-down mechanic on the dole.
"Like everything else in the movie industry you need to follow the money to get a whisper of what went wrong," he sighed.
Word on the grapevine says the BBC contract that financed Danton Abbey was signed in the Blind Beggar on Whitechapel Road. When Vince 'The Cap' McTavish, representing The Harold Pinter Housing Estate, agreed to shell out 50% of the profits to George 'The Ponce' Cornell, representing the British Gin Association, in cahoots with Jarvindha Singh Junior of the Gina Lollobrigida Appreciation Society.
BAFTA called it The Waltham Forest Pact.
The idea was to support the British film industry by flogging cheap gin to London schoolboys. Kidnapping the bastards once they were incapable, then shipping them out to Cambodia as personal slaves to an international ring of sex perverts.
Turns out the Gina Lollobrigida Appreciation Society was a front for the Jimmy Savile branch of the Gary Glitter gang. They even planned to kick off their advertising campaign with a gigantic slogan all the way across Tower Bridge - "SINKA PINTER GINA DAY".
Meanwhile, as dawn broke over Canary Wharf, police arrested Vernon Peacock along with a dozen other juvenile snake charmers.
Max Angelis legged it.
Bunny Warren hopped it.
And Danton Olivier gave up the acting game to go back to what he does best...
Fiddling with his spanner and writing daily reports for The SSHite.

END
(Danton Abbey was an Easter Parade Film for Face The Music Productions.
Clive Danton appeared by kind permission of Ron, Reg & Sol's Kosher Second-Hand Motors of Forest Gate.)


* Better put me nosh on now.


Wednesday 30th

* 'Orrible night for sleep again.
didn't nod of until around 0200hrs, but then slept (although it was dream ridden) until 0830hrs, a long time for me.

* WC and took medications just in time allowed.

* Remembered some of the dreaming, and for once it was not all bad - I think I was in Canada with a family who were so kind to me, they had a new kitchen, massive woods or forests, snow, and they liked to play scrabble? I was sad when that dream ended.
Then I was 16 again, and fermenting my foibles with 'Rita' at Tesco on Goosegate in Nottingham... the disappointment when waking from that one, was hard to live with, very hard.

* Started this update while I could still remember some of the nights imaginings.

* In the middle of me ablutions (just shaving me navel), and remembered telling Stew that I'd go with him to the Doctors today, if his carer couldn't make it... oh dear!
Finished beautifying meself, and went over to Stew's.
He was not in, so I assumed he'd gone to the doctors with whichever carer he had for the day.
Walked to the GP surgery, finding that he and Martina had been and gone.
Walked to Lidl, and found them doing their shopping.
Had a natter and got some special offer ready meals, spring water (dearer than petrol), bleach and bread.

* Hobbled back to the hovel, remembering 'Heartbeat' was on ITV3 at 1300hrs. It's all hassle having a TV innit? When Pete installed the set for me 3 months ago, after managing without a TV for over 22 years, it was a novelty. Now, the lying and pathetic adverts drive me nuts! "Now Trevor is feeling epic!" - "He's so Money-Supermarket he doesn't know it!" What?


* Did a graphic idea for SSH, and posted it for consideration - using Cliveypops wording,

* I had fallen asleep watching the TV (hard to believe I know!), and was awoken rather surprisingly as Stew's cat Chloe jumped on me  chest and attempted to get me a headlock!
She must have nipped sharply when I returned from the shops?
Anyway, we had a discussion  about the ownership of the only chair in the house - after which we agreed she would have use of it and I would sit on the stool. (Oh me piles!)

* At least there should be no chance of me falling asleep on the stool while on the laptop... I hope!


Thursday 31st

* Up at 0400hrs (Gave up trying to get any kip). Just had to copy this excellent Satirical nonsense contribution from Mr Puddle.
Shortly, hopefully, this and others will available on new website, I'll keep you informed.



The crime epidemic that has hit the once sleepy village of Little Divot reached a disturbing level yesterday after an armed man attempted to rob the local post office.


This latest shocking crime has left many villagers pondering the future of Little Divot.

Post office counter assistant, Barbara Peddle, who was working at the time of the attempted robbery, described her terrifying ordeal.

Mrs Peddle, 45, said, "This bloke came into the post office waving his arms about all over the place. He approached my counter, threatened me with his left arm and then demanded that I hand over all the stamps we had. It was at this point that I deliberately soiled myself in an attempt to scare him off. Thankfully it worked. I had a curry last night so the smell was awful."

The police praised Mrs Peddle's actions. Detective Inspector Pat Diddy had this to say, "Mrs Peddle was very brave throughout her ordeal. It was an ingenious idea for her to soil herself. Clearly, her actions prevented a bloodbath and also the possibility of a devastating stamp shortage in the village. I expect she'll get a medal or something."

Police also issued a description of the man they are looking for, given to them by Mrs Peddle. 

DI Diddy read out the description. "The man we're looking for may be white. Aged between sixteen and eighty. Had two arms. Short long hair. Around five to six feet tall. Mrs Peddle also says that the assailant fled in a car with wheels."

DI Diddy appealed for anyone knowing a man who fits this description to come forward, adding, "If Mrs Peddle's description doesn't help us find this man then I don't know what will."

Mrs Peddle's husband, Clive, also 45, was asked what he thought of the shocking events. He said, "Well, the wife had three Lemsip's this morning and to be honest she was a bit giddy when she left for work. I wouldn't be surprised if it was all a figment of her imagination. The silly woman claimed that Elvis went into the post office last month to buy some padded envelopes. Everyone knows that Elvis doesn't live here. He lives in Even Littler Divot. They have a perfectly good post office there so why would he come here? Personally I think she's finally lost her marbles."


I believe this will be edited a bit by Mr Puddle before publication - great innit!

* Had a bit if hassle doing the last entry, when Chloe the cat jumped up onto the laptop keyboard... bless her.

* Went over to see Stew for a while, and then set off on walk to town to catch the Mansfield bus, and go to their B&M to try and get some Goulash and beetroot not available in the Nottingham and Beeston store any longer.

* Apart from the angina, and the heavy wind, the walk was pleasant enough.

* As I got in the bus station, I looked at the board and it was due to go out - so I hobbled on flashing me bus-pass, "All the way please".
I settled and got me crossword book out and started to fail to get any answers for a while - I was somewhat puzzled and annoyed with myself as I looked out of the window, and realised by the route we  were taking... I was on the Derby bus! Oh dear...

* So I went to Derby instead of Mansfield.

* Next month might prove to be a bit better... or not!





4 comments:

  1. Accoridng to my computer this page is in Rumanian!
    Happy new year mate!

    R'DOG

    ReplyDelete
  2. ha! Does that translatr as 'I Hate BT!' :-)

    ReplyDelete