Inchies Ode To Life - Hope you get a smile out of it folks!

 Words of Non-Wisdom from Inchie

Life is no longer too healthful,

I rely on Carers being helpful,

I try not to be disrespectful,

Try to cope, be resourceful,

My daily struggles are continual,

Keeping aware and wakeful,

But it's hard keeping to a schedule,

No point in moaning; I must be tactful,

Take medications to keep wakeful,

I'm overweight and not very graceful,

I'm common as muck; folk find this distasteful,

Teeth left? Not exactly a mouthful!

All the ailments should make me fearful,

But there's no time to be tearful,

In fact, this morning, I felt cheerful!

The pretty Carers make me drool,

I know, I'm a romantic old fool,

Now past romancing, that is cruel,

If one adopts this grandad, that'd be cool!

Vascular dementia makes me so forgetful,

What day, time is it. I am very grateful...

When I get summat right, I'm joyful!

The medicationalisationing ritual,

Drives me out of my skull,

I feel I've had a belly-full!

Still, I'm practised in things medical,

Life can appear abstract, conceptual!

Occasionally, I feel almost useful,

 But that's not often or usual,

But the thought of this is valuable,

It helps keep my depression tenable,

Although, now I'm much more abusable,

With PN then stroke, things are more droppable,

I tend to find myself dislikeable?

My ailments and faults are semi-camouflageable,

Most of them are incurable,

I'm growing ever more confusable,

Occasionally, I do something applaudable,

To some, this will sound contradictable,

Hard to be believable,

But the lost skills and abilities,

Are truly not retrievable,

Just press on, I find advisable,

Sometimes the unexpected is achievable,

Then again, I'm very deludable,

Some accifauxpas are just unavoidable,

Like as I type this, sadly horrible...

Virgin Internet down again, unforgivable!

Anger-making, sickening and arousable,

Liberty-Global - so hated and detestable!

What I think of L-G's CEO Fries is unwritable!

Just noticed that this Ode is Gawdawful?

I'll stop now; Huh, it's pitiful!

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Inchies Ode - More a waffle really

INCHIE IS CURRENTLY UP FOR ADOPTION - Semi-House-Trained

Fair dues, today's been unctuousness free!

I couldn't buy fresh or even a canned pea!

But sweet Carer Jill looked after me!

I visited the doctor, no, not for an autopsy!

But for the testing, of my memory,

I hoped to get through it easily,

But I didn't, and I failed rather sillily,

Peripheral neuropathy then attacked me,

A leg dance, like doing half the Hokey Cokey,

Still, I was brave, I even got a little jokey,

The early morning pee, a jet-like marathon long wee-wee,

Stung me, left my spectacle lenses all misty,

Carer Jill arrived, boy, she's gorgeous, Yesiree!

When Jillie left, I became guiltily grouchy,

My Thought Storms today were milder but delusory,

Had another funny turn, lost balance got dizzy,

I change thoughts and tasks all day, it's silly,

Could you describe this Ode as a documentary?

All day, I talk to myself regularly, and derogatorily,

I curse myself, gruffly, dismissively, querulously,

I loath myself when depressed, that's no blarney!

I don't like coffee, but love Thompson's Punjana tea,

I'd like to declare summat, to make a decree!

But I'll forget what it is, you can guarantee,

No parties for me, anyway, what is a jamboree?

Note, I'm trying to do this Ode wittily,

My hopes of contentment, are purely illusory, 

I find it hard to avoid Whoopsiedangleplops and injury,

Accifauxpas, cock-ups, and anything unsatisfactory, 

Seems to be my style, way, and forte,

As a teenager, I used to be very sporty...

With blotchy skin, acne, a balding head, and spotty,

The balding head at the time drove me potty,

Nowadays, I can't stop going for a wee-wee!

My rear end evacuations, you wouldn't want to see!

But still, at times, I can get to feel some glee...

Mostly when Carer Jillie comes to see me ♥!

Ode To My Lack of Education

 

To My Educationing

Trent Bridge Secondary Modern School

It had a bad reputation that I would soon familiarise,

Teachers not too interested, some thick, some wise,

One, who liked blonde boys; I'm avoiding him & his smiles!

It was easy for the others to traumatise,

I was skinny, frail, and the shortest in size,

I was no good at all, when I had to mathematicise,

What the teacher meant, saying that I extemporise?

I got a right load of misleading, bad advice,

Six of the best from the headmaster, but only twice!

The nit-nurse with her paint, to rid us of lice,

I can still picture this, it was not very nice,

I was well off for fun? Yes, but not moneywise,

Teachers had their own preference of punishment device,

The gym teacher, the slipper, not one on the bum, but twice!

Piggy Roberts (Woodwork), a plank of wood, never less than thrice!  

Marsiniac (Marmaniac), metalwork, he'd nip your hair, he's from Katowice,

Webb, (Tech Drawing), a wrap on the knuckles, often needing to medicalise, 

Keeping in his good books was my advice!

Mr Spencer would twist your arm until it turned bice,

Mr Currah, too kind to hit us, he wore bow ties,

School meals 3d, so I couldn't afford to gourmandise,

I'd eat my penny sandwich, often sitting outside on the ice,

I avoided impetigo, a fine comb I did utilise!

I wanted to learn, be clever, at any price,

But my hopes had to vaporise,

Most teachers seemed to just want to terrorise!

Education, I never got to scrutinise,

I realise this Ode's not worthy to publicise,

My mind is confused with agglutinabilities,

But if I can get a laugh, that will be my prize!

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♥ Keepeth safe all, please! ♥

Inchies Ode of Hope (Humour)

I need to have hope, again,

Can I? I'm not really specific,

Anytime, can come the final curtain,

I wish I could write in Hemingwayan,

But I've not got a clever enough brain,

I'd love to go to a retreat, possibly Himalayan,

Where money's not needed for life to sustain,

Where decency, compassion, one can maintain,

Without ridicule, by moron or villain,

When everyday activities are more of a pain,

Nowadays, just getting out of bed is a strain!

Knowing one will be abused again,

Vascular Dementia, my hopes are slain,

 VD brings depression, and many a bane,

Although I try to be polite and urbane,

My hopes begin to slowly drain,

Thought-Storms attack, as a mental chicane,

One gets ideas, more dangerous than butane!

Gone are my years of being a bibliomane,

Saccade, hearing loss and back pain,

Peripheral Neuropathy, a stroke came,

Diabetes, I even got stung by a drumbledrane!

Life seems to be going against the grain...

Life is getting to be extramundane,

Life is now, without a doubt, insane...

People are getting less humane,

Even I am becoming a lexiphane,

Bald as a badger, I have no mane!

Much of this Ode seems to be nongermane,

It's like my brain is hidden in a subterrane,

I'll stop now and have a mug of tisane...

From losing it altogether, I must abstain!

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Should I snuff it tonight,

Don't fret, not that anyone might...

I'll be content, with no thoughts to fight,

In fact, I'll be better off... well, I might!

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Formulated for Fun - Please don't take this serious!

I Thank You!

Ode To Sudden Depression and Vascular Dementia

 Ode To Depression and VD

Emotions so changeable, unpracticable, unpredictable,

Memory lapses & blanks, midst Thought Storms, unresolvable,

Some, uninterpretable, all uncontrollable!

Self-hating thoughts, yet ungraspable...

Vicious verbal attacks, somewhat ungainsayable

Yet, minutes later, I felt gay, unflappable?

Only to sink back down; Incredible!

The gloom of depression, damned extirpable!

A wee-wee was taken, and I felt sulliable,

  Then I could have gone to the ball!

No depression around at all!

Ten minutes later, the darkness did fall!

I swore at this, in a low Nottingham drawl,

Up and down things went, Gawd, it was dismal!

No chance of feeling relaxable,

My sanity was questionable,

Then, a few minutes of remediable,

Semi-contentment, I did feel!

Depression took a regrip; it was diabolical!

Attacking, then self-removal?

Coming and going was remarkable,

This pattern was unbudgeable,

One moment. I seemed unattackable!

My smug attitude was uncrackable,

Then back to the darkness, so degradable,

Out of the blue, a while feeling amiable?

Again, I seemed so unflappable,

A polymorphic period, nowt controversial,

Then sod it, back to the abominable,

Uncontrolled lugubriosity, 

For an aperiodicity,

The darkness returned, the audacity!

I suppose, because of my caducity?

I silently let rip my built-up causticity,

I blame my own complicity,

I got Anne Gyna's pains, like electricity, 

Which is such a flaming pity!

I pray for a visit from friendly felicity,

I hope she arrived in fecundity!

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Not one of my betterer days, Sorry!

Inchies Coronavirus Calypso

 

Coronavirus Calypso

Going into self-isolation,

As is most of the nation,

To get the toilet rolls in?

The chances? None to thin,

Coronavirus, payment for our sin?

Tellurians, you must not bump into,

Tatterdemalion or the well-to-do,

Urges to touch, you must subdue,

Cut your hair, have basin cut hair-do,

Having sex is still under review!

But pigeons can still bill and coo?

No food in the shops,

Bread, milk, you might find a few,

You'll have to fight and argue,

Battle with the determined queue,

Then blood and insults will spew,

The language'll be very blue!

You might try home delivery for food,

To sustain you and your brood,

If you do, try home delivery food!

To the delivery man, do not be rude,

Self-isolation is wrong, some folk argue,

But I'll not be involved over this, thank you,

HMG responses seem so impromptu,

Certainly going to cost us revenue,

Self-isolation, so many folk rue,

A bit of good news is overdue,

Confusion over what we must do,

We mustn't shake hands too!

Is mankind's end really in view?

Stuck at home, what do we do?

Clean shelves and dust that statue,

Pen some extra veins to your tattoo,

No food in, so no chocolate to chew,

Can't get out to buy, so no making stew,

Your plans and orientation, none askew!

Sit, read a book, perhaps of Fu Manchu,

Back of the fridge, mouldy Danish blue?

You're starving now, for tea that'll do!

Dig around the sofa for crisp-crumbs residue!

The nurse's visit cancelled too,

Mind froze, stagnated; what will ensue?

Where is the spirit of World War Two?

Is it the end? Will you ever again hear a cuckoo?

Is it to be that you'll not see another cup of tea?

Farewell, to your beloved tasty Glengettie brew?

Your mind gets depressed; whatever can you do?

Finally, you get a plan made and worked through!

Escape! Find food, and hopefully, a toilet roll too!

Your plan to go shopping, sanctioned by the Tenant's escape crew,

How to get us through, whatever can you do?

They don you with a wig to hide your bald head from view,

You know you may not return, but offer your neighbours a thank-you,

Creep out, staying in the shadows, your walking stick oiled too,

Arrive at the store, but what a sight greets you...

But it's the future, your deja vu, hitherto!

Empty shelves, fighting, greed, at Sainsbury's too!

Little fresh food, no toilet rolls, not even a tissue!

This was now a serious issue,

You give an Achoo - but nobody blesses you!

Last week, I departed, with a facemask on us,

Met a protesting, nasty gang of AntiMaskers!

Their mood, angry and ablatitious,

They knocked me off of my walking stick, so vicious!

All, bar one of the paramedics, were wonderous, 

He was an anti-face masker; and kicked me in the knackers!

Inchies Day: Saturday 12th June 2021: Dairy, Graphics, Photographicalisations & the odd Ode

TFZer lads gather around Mary... Oh, yes? Hehehe!

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Saturday 12th June 2021

Morning Ode

I stirred, no pains from Angina Annie,

Thought Storms came on, of great verbosity,

Good heavens, over a five-hour kip, Yippee!

From the recliner, I hauled my over-bellied body,

Starting the day's endless flows of wee-wee!

Everyone sudden, urgent, with duplicity,

I'll check the NHS graph later, check the pee,

I must rush, getting up so late, you see,

The Carer is almost due to tend to me,

Got another bucket, to cope with the hyperactivity,

Ah, the Porcelain Throne, things need to be free!

Waited for yonks for things to start off, whee!

Massive, gunky, wonky, and Gooey!

Causing me much concern and ambiguity,

I thought I'd be immune to shockability,

But things started again! Such alterability!

It shows my vulnerability!

I went to do some morning photography.

The carer came, and simply,

Gave me the tablets again wrongly,

But a pleasant chap, he shows congeniality,

He departed, I found another tooth cavity!

Not sure, but I may have contracted depravity?

Healthchecks carried out, causing me joviality,

Hopes yet, of my survivability?

Maybe even of future longevity?

Forget I mentioned depravity!

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SIX HOURS ON UPDATING!

Gawd strewth! It's midday now, and I still haven't gotten around to doing and posting yesterday's Inchies Day blog off! Mainly through so many wee-wee visits, and the brain letting me go off track and do things that didn't need doing, after each wee-wee, and getting all confused and befuddled in the head after each bucket visit! Humph! I'll get it posted now... well, I need another wee-wee first...

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Three hours of graphicalisationing

Not a very successful effort, I fear. The exact reasons for the earlier delays - ever correcting cock-ups, errors, Whoopsidangleplops. Plus, straying off of the subject I was working on after taking a wee-wee... Humph!

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Ablutionisationing tackled

Am amazingly easy-going session, teeth, shaving, showering, drying off... until it came to medicationing. Then the anapeiratic fingers cause Colin Cramps to visit.

And that meant I lost my balance while trying to Phorpain gel the knees without using the stick (Fool!), and toppled forward and stubbed my to against the stool with the sock glide on, and ruined the events' pleasure!

Not that it got me going. No cursing, swearing, self-loathing, grinding of the few teeth I have left, or anything like that, of course! Oh, no! Well...

The body, particularly the legs and feet, looked overly pale but were in goodish condition under the circumstances.

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THE HANDWASHING WAS DONE

Socks, jammie bottoms and a thick shirt. Made the usual mess that needed cleaning up afterwards. Made a brew, and I drank it while sorting out the waste bags.

Only a few sacks made up. Took them to the waste chute and deposited them, without using the trolley guide, only the wooden stick, and got them down to the bins. 

Made another brew, and as I did so, I realised that I had not taken a wee-wee for about twenty minutes. Smug-Mode-Utilised!

onto Graphicalisationing again

I spend a long time again, but I only got two more done. Spit!

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THE CARER CAME

I got the sense that with today being their pen-ultimate visit, the interest was waning a tad. He got the tablets right, I think.

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A MEal of sorts prepared

Not very attractive or appealing looking.

I was a smidge weary and not too interested in what I ate tonight. Which was just as well... The potatoes were again tasteless; even with my adding the ground black pepper, the tomatoes were okay. But most disappointingly, the Surami sticks were also a little bland...

After a bit of ponderisationing, I came to the conclusion that either the tastebuds had gone on strike, I'd caught Covid-19, or I was too over-tired. The taste bud thought was discarded afterwards when I enjoyed some naughty-nibbling... First, Twiglets, a mini-packet of Jacobs blue cheese flavoured savoury biscuits. Followed by a noughat iced lolly, for they tasted terrific. Grrreat!

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BLISS, SWEET MORPHEUS ARRIVED 

Incomprehensibly (but most welcome), I slept without any interruptions for wee-wees, and no waking up with Thought Storms straight through for wait for it... 7½ Hours!

And I was still reluctant to get up, even though the urine had built up and was painfully testing the Dam Wall (bladder), demanding instant release! Ah, well!

A Hobble Around Nottingham City Centre - Pictorially

 Friday 11th June 2021

Wilko, the Poundland. Left the camera card on the computer, so went to Victora Centre and bought a new one - How much was it? Please do to ask; I can't believe how much I stupidly paid! 

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Out onto Upper Parliament Street.

Seeing many maskless Nottinghamian's about today. Burger King closed down... 

Pavement Cyclists and E-scooters all over the place, and few attractive females, Tsk! All far too young for me. Grumph!

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Further along Parliament Street.

Down King and Queen Street.

E-Scooters were galore!

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Slab Square.

Got the trolley stuck in a rut. Haha!

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E-Scooter station aplenty

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Buses and Trams.

Even spotted an Ossifer of the Law out and about? A Gobsmacking observation!

These were within feet of the number 40 bus stop. But where? Haha!

Queen Street bus stop, at the end of my one hour tour of Nottingham.

Some people go abroad for weeks, you know. Of course, I'm not jealous. Oh, No!

Had to rush back to the flat cause the Carer is coming to dose me up. Next week a female Carer is coming - I'm not sure whether to be hopeful or scared stiff!

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A Few Thoughts in Ode (Of sorts)

A trip to town is extracurricular,

Even when pushing some vehicular,

Too tyring to get nothing in particular,

Getting the trolley stuck, you feel the fool you are,

Hoping that some will prove adminicular,

It all felt so very unfamiliar,

And I felt ever sillier,

Bashed my elbow on the handlebar,

By the time I'd freed it, I was somnambular,

I'll not be keen from now on to be a rambler,

I'll stick ar being a superior bumbler!