Diary of Woes - June 2014

Tuesday 3rd June

0430:

Depression not too bad on waking today.

0530:

Did me ablutions and changed into togs. Porridge and a cuppa.

0600:

Did some black bags up for Sister Jane and brother-in-law Pete to sort for me. (I'd be lost without their help.

0830:

Walked to the QMC for my INR level checks and Renal checks (1hr 44m).

While taking my seat in the queue, a woman on a disabled scooter, ran into the chairs in front of the one I was taking my seat in, and pushed the front row of seat into me, taking my row of seats into the one behind. I could feel her continuing to accelerate as I was squashed between the seats for a few moments. The nurses from the haematology room ran out and checked I was okay. Twisted me arthritic knee a bit, otherwise felt okay. They said they's make an accident report. Got a bit of extra fuss from the nurses - I liked that! (Hehe)

That made it the forth time this year that I had been injured by a disabled cart driver!

First time while walking to town on Mansfield road, a chap ran into me, knocking me over and running over me leg with a wheel! He then sped off swearing at me!

Second one, in shopping centre, I was hit from behind and crumpled to the floor. He just kept on going.

Third time in Derby, a woman hit me sideways, and I fell into a display of women's knickers!

Hey-ho!

0925:

Visited renal unit.

1010: Walked back into town (55min's), and did a bit of shopping, bread, tomatoes and seaweed.

Caught bus back to the flea-pit. Made another bag for sorting.

1240:

Had a salad, and fell into depression - read paper and watched DVD.

Memory bad again today.

Wednesday 4th June

0600:

Up feeling good for a change. Knees a bit stiff from yesterday I assume. Chest pains rampant. Lousy night again, full of bad dreams, mostly about things from the past I think.

0700:

Computer would not load/open. Oh dear! Tried various tactics without success.

0830:

Got things ready and went to launderette.

Nothing worth reporting for the rest of the day - other than no sign of the yobboes, that's good!

Friday 6th June

0525:

Feeling okayish this morning.

(So glad I've managed to find the interest to do this diary again, after such a long period of low worthless depression.)

0615:

Grape-nut flakes and a cuppa, ablutions done.

0645:

Computer back on line of its own accord? Very slow, but working.

Felt very guilty of not partaking in social sites, so many folk out there I want to touch. Sorry Patti, Frank, and all of you.

1100:

Walked into town and called in the Coouncil offices to see if any suitable sheltered housing available - None there.

1244:

Caught bus to Mansfield, poddled around and got some porridge from the B&M store. Caught Mansfield Road bus back and dropped off in Bosnia... I mean Carrington.

Thank heavens for the free pensioners bus-pass!

Saturday 14th June

0630:

Feeling okayish again, but have a feeling this is not going to remain long. Don't know why, just me EQ I think.

0700:

Ablutions, then porridge and a cuppa.

0720:
On laptop, looking at Patti's painting that she sent me, and pondering on my faults and pains - I feel really guilty about not getting in touch with the girl. Must make the effort when I can get back to a decent connection. I'd like to thank her here and know for her patience. XXX

Stayed in all day today, yobboes lurking in the area again. They've been in me yard and thrown the rockery stones about.

Monday 16th June

0525:

Feeling horrible this morning. Depressed beyond anything before. Scared, nervous, shaking hands, chest pains and lost me hearing aids, took me hours to find em - I'll not tell where I did find em... too embarrassing!

0615:

Grape-nut flakes and a cuppa, ablutions done.

0800:

Had me second home delivery from Asda (Walmart) today. Three substitutions, the bread and cakes were squashed with hand impressions, and the lemon curd was missing! Sent them an email indicating my displeasure. Later they sent one back saying they are refunding the cost of the damaged goods from my next order. Don't think I'll be placing another order with 'em though.

0830:

Launderette done. Fed the birds.

1015:

Had a walk into town and around. Spent too much on things I didn't need. (More guilt - Tsk!) But managed to find shop selling dried seaweed in Friar Lane.

1315:

Bus back to Stalingrad. No yobboes around.

1730:
Took med's, and phoned Sister Jane. Not feeling very good at all. Shame.

Tuesday 17th June

0545:

Feeling okay this morning, another bad night (as usual really) for kip and bad dreams full of guilt.

0600:

Porridge and a cuppa. Did some bag sorting.

Got laptop going. Went on NHS options site.

0710:

Had a Morrison's home delivery. No problems.

0825:

Walked into town, then caught bus out to QMC for me INR checks. Walked back into town, and caught bus back to the hoppit.

1200:

Yobboes circulating, but not on my street at the moment.

Rang Jane.

1430:

Snuggled down in hibernation.

Wednesday 18th June

0615:

Grape-nut flakes and a cuppa, ablutions done. Feeling good.

1300:

Pete called and collected the black bags of unwanted crap and nosh. Took it home in his car, to kindly sort for me. Most appreciated.

1400:

Had a walk around, but only got myself depressed looking at the state of the area.

1500:

Had some lamb hotpot, bitter orange juice and ice-cream. (By gum I live well!)

Friday 20th June

0445:

Ablutions, porridge and a cuppa, then laptop on, but playing up. I lost no end of emails.

0845:

Walk to town and caught bus to Derby. Poddled around, fed the ducks.

Right hearing aid fell to pieces, patched it up until I got home, will have to cut and replace new tubing.

1100:

Caught bus back home.

1330:

Had a massive tasty salad. Tomatoes, white cabbage, pickled onions. mushrooms, caramelised relish, beetroot, seaweed, bread... Mmmm!

1720:

Yobboes appeared on street - retired upstairs.

Sunday 22nd June

0645:

Porridge and a cuppa. No ablutions yet.

0730ish:

Laptop let me update this blog.

0945:

Made up some bags of stuff for Pete and Jane to sort. Bless em.

1240:

Two new yobboes outside on street - mobile phone, football, and baseball bat hitting the bins etc.

Took photo of em.

1310:

Decided to  move upstairs out of the way. So heated me sausage and mash dinner, and took it up.

Monday 23rd June

0530:
Amazingly, on awakening from me three hours dream filled kip - I remembered not to eat or drink owt but water - in readiness fer me appointment CHC with the GP nurse later this morning. So no porridge and cuppa for breakfast (Tsk).

And got me sample tube done ready too.

Took med's, and just stopped missen puttin' the kettle on!

0700:
Had a search on the council independent living site - nothing on I could apply for.

0905:
Put some snap in me bag to nosh after GP visit, and set off to the surgery.

0928:
The nurse was her usual scary mix of compassion and domination. (Hehe!)

0944:
Tests completed, I left some nibbles for the staff and departed to hobble into the town centre.

1018:
Caught bus (that free bus pass is a much appreciated gem yer know, oh yes!) to Mansfield, the round about route one, and enjoyed the scenery en route. Had a walk around the city centre, during which I asked a chap if there was a Shoe Zone shop nearby - that was an interesting discussion of sorts, he turned out to be deafer than I am, he signed, I didn't, I read lips, he didn't. Still the chap managed with ease to guide me to the shop. And thank him very much.

1035:
Then caught the bus back to Nottingham. And to think people climb mountains, go bungee jumping, take drugs and sail single handedly around the world in 15ft yachts for excitement... Huh!

1045:
Went on the web after I'd settled and made a cuppa. 
Rang sister Jane to see if it was alright for me to visit them tomorrow after me INR level checks - said she'd get back to me.

1300:
For some unknown (as usual) reason the depression came over me again - the fear and worry, the self hatred... reitred upstairs in hibernation, read book and watched DVD (one Pete made up for, bless him)

Tuesday 24th June

0630:
Woke up, knees okay, chest okay, bladder fine, dried blood from where the Obergruppenführer nurse had taken me blood yesterday, shakes okay, looking good health-wise this morning (in the event of my croaking out today, I might regret saying that, but don't worry, I don't mind), if a bit depressed.

0655:
Started laptop, and while waiting for her to load, went up and did me ablutions. Piles no bleeding that's good, growth on chest and ribs looking calm, no pain or itching there yet.

0710:
Down to the laptop, had a cuppa and grape-nut flakes with me medications. Still no pain from me knees? Crossed fingers! Mucked about on laptop, but some connections not being allowed for some reason.

0830:
Did this update, then got me things ready for the QMC and going to see Jane and Pete afterwards. Because I'm carrying a lot of weight in the bags, decided to catch the bus into town, then to QMC, and get me walking in back to town to catch bus to Jane's, cause the load will be lighter when I give the girls in haematology their nibbles.

0915:
Final wash and brush up, hearing aids cleaned, glasses and head polished, and off to town.

0948:
Caught bus to the hospital. Had INR and renal stuff attended to - then walked back into town, taking the longer scenic route. (Oh me poor knees and feet hehe!)
Bought some seaweed.

1050:
Caught bus from town out to Jane and Petes,  Pete ran me home at around er... well later anyway.

1540:
Sent email through Virgin site, asking for the tarmac to be mended on their connection link outside the house - no reply yet of course. Explained that a hole had appeared and was getting bigger all the time. Attracting the attention of the local yobs.

1549: Put an order in for Asda home delivery - fingers crossed, but I didn't risk ordering anything breakable or crushable this time.

1650:
Put the TV on (Yes it still works, mind you it does keep turning itself off now and then, nothin' new there!)
Suffered the England v Puerta Rica match. We wus robbed, it should have been a penalty! Not that it matters really now. Tsk! 

1945:
Watched an old DVD, feeling very fair tonight, as I have done all day?

Wednesday 25th June

0430:

Up, did me ablutions, no bother at the moment from the angina, knees or anything really - but the low depression has returned. Shit!

0445:
Updated this blog, cuppa, medications and porridge consumed. On first visit for a heavy duty, found that the piles were bleeding. Ah well! Can't have everything.

0525:
Hello hello... toilet again, oh dear.

0540:

Part of the problem with the bins hereabouts. A constant flow of bin-searching immigrants, tearing open the black bags in search of something usable, poor devils. Then of course the council refuse to empty the bins, and sent us notes pointing out how much we can be fines for not using black bags for the rubbish... ah well!

Thursday 26th June

0500:

Seemed to spring awake this morning. Angina not so good, depression lingering still.

Got on here, made a cuppa. Visit to the toilet was painful.

o700:
Finished making up some bags for Jane and Pete to sort in readiness for any move that might appear. (Huh!)
When sorting out the chest of drawers ... the drawers collapsed... hey-ho!

0800:
Did me ablutions and got ready for a good walk to Bulwell. Deprted 0840hrs - returned to the dump 0855hrs, after realising I'd left the laptop on 'Sleep'.

0910:
Set off again on me walk. After three miles, me knees and feet were aching a bit, but I took me time.

1030:
Arrived in Bulwell market. Went in Boots to get a dropper bottle for me ear stuff. Looked in the two bargain shops and got some bit of chocolates for the nurses at the QMC next Tuesday. Called in B&M, but they had no porridge pots left.

1112:
Caught bus back to the dump. Had a go at the crossword book - and missed me stop. Never mind.

Friday 27th June

0500:

No kip at all - but the knees felt okay, the Angina had eased, the piles were okay, and the depression had lessened. (Crossed finger here) Up and at em - took rubbish out and got bins ready for collection. Filled some black bags with things for Jane and  Pete to collect and sort. (Bless em again!)

0540:

WC activities - no bleeding, good again!

0555:

Had a go on the web - and got email form Virgin about me request for them to sort the sinking tarmac/hole in front of the house. They wanted conformation of address, and that it was their doing in the first place. I replied it was the cable company they had bought that laid the connection.

0619:
Made up some black bag for Jane and Pete to help sort for me. Thanks Jane and Pete.

0710:
Bin-men (I mean Waste management and disposal technicians) called and removed some wood from the bin before emptying it, and just threw it on the floor?

1100:
Did me ablutions, and got ready for me walk into town.
When I set off, the rain convinced me to catch the bus instead. (Buy gum it's good to have a free bus-pass innit?)

1118:
Had a walk around town, and managed to get a DVD I'd always wanted. Victoria Wood in Pat and Margaret, a TV film.
Went into the market for a look around at the stalls that were not empty - and bought some fresh (although it turned out they weren't) pod peas. 98p a half pound.

1230:
Caught the bus to Derby, to see if they had any shops selling seaweed.
Decided that en route I'd nibble some of the pod peas I bought from Victoria market - oh dear! 
I did find some pods that had eatable contents amongst the mouldy, maggot ridden, shrivelled, and bitter ones that made up about 75% of them.
I recalled the signs on the fruit and veg on display, and realised that none of them had the Country of Origin shown - I thought that was a legal requirement? I know in my days in the trade it was, and we had to display a class of quality too?

1300:
Arrived in Derby, and took a good walk around the Eagle Centre and nearby streets, from last week when I did this, there was another three shops closed down! Never saw a Policeman or PSO in all the hours I was roaming the streets of Derby City Centre (as if to put it).

1515:
Caught the bus back to Nottingham and me dilapidate home. By gum the driver pushed it, didn't have time to read the free Metro paper before we had arrived back at Victoria bus station.
Caught the bus to the crime ridden hamlet of Carrington 'wot is where I live like'.

1700:
Depression took over, and I soon retired into hibernation with me DVD player and watched the Pat and Margaret film, but did not enjoy it being in the low state I was. Must watch it again when me spirits are higher.

Saturday 28th June

0500:

Awoke urgently needing the assistance of the WC - no blood, no pain... Yahoo! And, the knees were okay, angina not bad, breathing fair, not in good, bit not in bad spirits either.

0525:

Took out some bags to the bins. Tried to clean the doorframes a bit, but the angina started again - soddit! Updated this rubbish, while having me porridge and cuppa Yorkshire Rwanda brew tea. Put me hearing aid plastics in soak.

0920:
Made up some stuff to be sorted.

1148:
Blood from me nether regions, both back and front. Angina started playin' up too. Tsk! Must keep an eye on it - stopped doing anything physical.

1324:
Noticed yobs wandering about on the street.

1408:
Heated me Lamb hotpot - added two microwave sausages, and went upstairs for peace in which to eat it, and watch me Victoria 'PAt and Margaret film again.
Really low now. huh!
Depression, Frustration and Isolation.

Sunday 29th June

0330:

Sprang awake, and recalled dreams I'd just had - wrote down notes so I could put them on this blog - in the hope that some dream-reader might read them?

0400:

WC, more blood and pain. Must maje an appointment with the GP on Monday.

0407:

Down and made a cuppa, nothing to eat, stomach churning already.

0445:

Wrote down about me dream from notes and memory:

The Dream

I was travelling around Nottinghamshire, first on a bus, then on push-bike, then a car, then a lorry - someone was with me in the lorry, but the character in the passenger seat kept changing, I think I was trying to make deliveries, but kept getting lost or the deliveries refused, shops involved somewhere at time, hilly areas, some I recognised some not. I found myself back on buses, searching for someone, they were 1960s AEC Regent buses?

Suddenly I was stood in front of a door, I could not get any response to my knocking, someone was with me at my side, but they never spoke or interfered. I was begging to be admitted, shouting, quiet frantic.

As I grew weary from knocking, the door itself dissolved, and there stood three people, two women and a man. They were semi-transparent (Unrecognised by me).

The man at first told me: "You are not wanted!" and repeated this over and over, and a clock chimed - all three then grabbed at me to pull me in through the door.

The next second I was looking at myself being thrown out from the door - and my saying "Sod it!" and crying?

Can any dream interpreter help me with this one - as it is so very rare for me to recall my dreams with any clarity or detail?

0515:

The angina is fine this morning. Arthur Itis is not bothering me. No dizzy spells. Piles (as I mentioned earlier) flowing and bothersome. Not to good emotionally. Pathetic really.

0600:
Rang Sister Jane and Brother in law Pete to see how they were getting on. He said he would call later and pick up the black bags of stuff to sort for me.

1025:
Pete arrived, and we had a little natter over a cup of tea. Good of him to help out... again!

1040:
Added a poem I should have put on Friday's diary.
Addition, forgot to post me poem wot I rote abahrt a yoof in the City Centre:

I wus walkin' through Nottingham City Centre, and this yoof I espied,
His Pitbull on a lead, fag from his lips, and texting with one hand,
6"4' tall, wiv tattoos and hair that looked like he's been electrified,
He walked listening to some music from his ipod, I didn't know the band,
He went into the job centre plus, wearing a sneer that was wide,
I can tell you, my views of youth was transmogrified!

Angina returned - The rest of the day I hibernated, DVD, book and pitiful self pity.

Monday 30th June

0450:
Bad night again, nightmare and bad dreams, but that is normal really. Angina back with a vengeance.

0520:
Booted the old laptop, make me porridge and a cuppa, and started this pathetically demented dairy-log.

Noticed an anagram for the name of the street in which I struggle to exist. ‘Oho... Dork Bearers’ Hehe!

0524:
Had to nip smartishly up to latrine, and slipped on the stairs - now got a naggging back ache from twisting it to add to me troubles - Tsk!

06:35
Thought to myself... They might have taken away me driving licence 'cause of me medical condition, but perhaps...

I might still be able to have a holiday?

Ah well, perhaps not then, it was just a thought.

And believe me, I'm quite happy and contented to be able to still have thoughts that are not of a self-destruct nature!
Hehe!

I am a fool!





0645:
Summoned by me decaying body to the WC again - glad to report no blood, and no tripping or slipping on the stairs!

0700:
Started to create a humorous graphic for Jane and Pete. Rang each first to find out hwat wine they drank, and what paint that Pete is using to do up his ceiling at home, so I could try to find some images of the same on the web to use.
Unbelievably (not really) I had forgotten how to export the image in JPEG to pout it on here - Huh!
Had to do a search on the web - sad innit?

0910:
Finally managed to get it finished, after making repeated errors, frustration, and seven cups of tea! I'm not too pleased with the resulting image though, but it's a bit of fun I hope. I think Jane or Pete will be able to download it to their smartphone?

Pete in Central Avenue West Bridgford, after shopping perhaps?