Friday, 24 May 2013

I Said Laugh, Dammit: God Bless My Barbeque

I Said Laugh, Dammit: God Bless My Barbeque: Ed Note: Absolutely in no way taking anything away from our brave men and women who serve in our various branches of the Armed Servic...

Brilliant stuff from Patti!

Post Office Delivers Package on Time, Causing Senior Seizures

By , May 20, 2014

Prompt delivery by the Post Office? Too shocking!

Delores Doldrums, age 67, has been sending various care packages to her nieces and nephews for decades and not once have any of them arrived on the date and time they were promised. The post office was always anywhere from a day to several days late, and over time, Delores had come to expect the delays and planned accordingly. 
USPS Post Office Delivers Package on Time

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Diary of Woe - May 2013

Wednesday 1st May:

* Up at 0600hrs, WC (much blood, must see doc), feeling a bit better this morning up to now. Cuppa, medications and laptop on.

* Scrubbed up and carbolicalised, I set off on a walk into the City centre. Decent weather, not too windy, and the legs not playing up too much at all, although not havinghad decent hobble for a while, I felt a bit out of wind after a while.

* Called into Poundland to see if they had any of the salt and vinegar Pringles - when I realised theirs were 150g weight, compared to Asda's 190g at £1.09 - So Asda would be cheaper! Take note any economists reading!

* Fought my way through the Big Issue Sellers, yobboes and Street Performers to get to the 99p shop in the dying a death Broad Marsh Centre. where I asked an assistant who obviously didn't speak English too well: "Excuse me, can you tell me if you have any of the citrus fresh air sprays in please?" She led me to a shelf with chocolate bars and confectionery on it.

* Caught the bus back to the hovel, took the long walking route back to avoid dome hooded apprentice mafia yobboes, and got in safely.

* A chap called at the door, his immediate words were: "I'm not trying to sell you anything... (I noticed the window and conservatory catalogues under his arm) and I stopped him momentarily there and then by saying "You can't get blood out of a stone mate..."
He replied: "Ah but we can do your windows for only £5 a week!" I shut the door.

* The usual fatigue dawned on me, and nothing of any worth was done for the rest of the day.

Thursday 2nd May:

* Up at 0530hrs, WC (blood again but only a little), laptop on, cuppa, WC, medications taken, and article about 1950s Quotes wot I copied a while ago updated.

How things change eh? This list was compiled from the web by Gerry Chambers, our senile, decrepit Nottingham pensioner for your perusal and enjoyment.

Here are some quotes from people in during the 1950's.

(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for less than £5!"

(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when £200 will only buy a used one."

(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 1/6d (7½d) a pack, this is ridiculous."

(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a 6d (2½d) just to mail a letter?"

(5) "The Government are wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."

(6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought petrol would someday cost 2/- (10p) a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

(7) "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail haircuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

(8) "Kid’s music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing is nothing but racket."

(9) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every movie has a 'hell' or damn' in it."

(10) "It won't be long until couples are sleeping in the same bed with each other in the movies. What is this world coming to?"

(11) "Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore."

(12) "Soon you won't be able to buy a decent 6p (2½d) cigar."

(13) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas. It’ll never happen of course"

(14) "Did you see where that Chelsea football player just signed a contract for £56 a week, just to play football? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the Prime Minister."

(15) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

(16) "1/- (5d) for a loaf of bread? Christ where will it all end?"

(17) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

(18) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both go out to work."

(19) "Marriage doesn't mean a thing anymore, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

(20) " I'll tell you one thing. If my son ever talks back to me, he won't be able to sit down for a week."

(21) "Did you know the new Vicar is allowing women to wear slacks to his services? Absolutely disgusting!"

(22) "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to grow crops."

(23) "I'm just afraid that Volkswagen Beetle car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign imports coming in."

(24) "The picture houses are now charging 1/- (5p) entry fee, this will mean the end of the industry I can tell you."

(25) "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college? Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor or a lawyer."

(26) "I advised my children to smoke Craven 'A' cigarettes, they are better for the throat you know."

(27) "There is no fun in going to Skeggy or Mablethorpe any more for a weekend. It costs nearly £1 a night to stay in some of the boarding houses now."

(28) "Now they are changing the meters (Gas/Electricity) to 1/- (5p) instead of a penny!"

(29) "AA and RAC patrols on the 'A' roads will always be there for us."

(30) "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country that's fine, but
nothing will ever replace trains."

(31) "I don't know about you but if Wimpey’s raise the price of coffee to 3p (p), I'll just have to drink mine at home."

(32) "If they think I'll pay 1/6d (7½p) for a hair-cut, forget it. I'll have the wife learn to cut hair."

(33) "We won't be going out much any more. Our baby sitter informed us she wants 6p (2½p) an hour. Kids think money grows on trees."

(34) "Cars which dim their lights by sensors, automatic transmissions, and who knows what else? Pretty soon they will drive themselves." 

Can you remember or relate to any?

* Must remember to go and vote later today... I suppose.

* Walked to the Forest and caught the tram to Bulwell. Showing the conductor my bank card in error for my bus-pass. A fellow senior sitting opposite to me, laughed and offered these words of wisdom to me: "It's bad when you start losing it and can do nothing about it innit?" We had a natter, and he told of the time he tried to use his bus pass in the cash machine at the supermarket. I didn't tell him I'd done that twice this year.

* Called in to get some savoury belly-pork strips from freezer shop, not expecting them to have any in again. Managed to find one battered packet mixed in with the sausages. When it came to paying for it, the ensuing battle the lady cashier had to prise the money from my hand was interesting and crowd gathering. (My fingers had frozen again)

* Caught the bus back to Carrington. Had nice beans, bacon and bubble and squeak for nosh.

* Brother-in-law rang, kept me updated with the CIS business he is taking care of for me. Thanks Pete, many thanks.

Friday 3rd May:

* Managed about three hours kip. Up WC (No blood!), cuppa and on laptop to update the following article wot I wrote:

Phrases into 1960's Nottingham Slang Definition

Intrepid ex- Skoda Estelle driving pensioner Gerry Chambers recalls his memories of the unique speech patterns, inflections, and choice of words used by his fellow Nottinghamians, in comparisons to lesser proletariat areas of our once semi-great country.:

Go away : Geroff

What would you like?: Wodayowant?

In trouble with the teacher: Yer inferitnar

A friend: Mate, chum, serry or mucker

Would you like to engage with me in fisticuffs?: Purumup!

Do you understand?: See worrimean?

How are you going?: Ayup midduck!

I disagree!: I'll nut you one!, or Screw you!

I do not know: Dunno

Stop!: Givova!

Is it not?: Innit?

I'm going to church: Gonna Chapel

I beg your pardon?: Yerwot?

Being silly: Tomfoolery

I am surprised!: Gerraway!

What would you like?: Woderuwant?

I did not carry out these actions!: I dintdoit!

I think you are wrong!: Soddu mate!

I like it: Good innit

I have ran out of money: Am skint

Here you are: Eeyar

Sweets: Dudoos

Lollipops: Suckers

It is broken: It's brock

Toffees: Tuffehs

Hello my friend: Ayergooin’

Horses: Bobbos

Soft or Weak: Nesh

Hurry: Mek'aste

My Mother: Ah Mam

Can I have a ride on your bicycle crossbar?: Gizza krosseh
A weak drink: Mazzi-watter

Under the influence of alcohol: Bladdered

Laugh quietly: Chuckle

Very pleased: Reet chuffed

Fell over: Went arse-over-tit
Can you give me a look?: Gizza a gozz?

Pregnant : Up the Duff

Be quiet: Shutyergob

Are you in good health my friend?: Owya goinonn then serri?

Can you direct me to the public house?: Wairza booza?

Its cold today isn't it?: Intitt koad?

I don't believe you: Gerrahtonit!

Do you want something?: Worrayouwant?

Can I have some?: Gizzabitt
Your Mother shall hear of this: Gonna tellumam

It was not very good: It wer krap!
Please carry on: Geron we-it

Goodbye: Tara then

Do you realise: Jono

You are acting stupidly: Yer prattin abaht
Can I have a turn?: Gizzago

I shall not continue with this course of action: Bogga that furr gaima soajiz

I do not share your confidence in your abilities as a pugilist: Korl yersenn a faiter?

A hairstyle: Annair doo

It is time for bed: Gerrupp them stairs

He is unsociable: Ee doant gerronn wee nobody

Don't let it concern you: Nehmind ay

Dust yourself off: Batt yersenn dahn

I have had sufficient to eat: Am podged missen

Did you get lost?: Wairvyerbinn till nah?

You are a fool: Yo-a prattannarf yo-are

Factory: Faktreh

He is rather choosy about his food: Eezabitt finnikeh inni

Please come in: Gerrineer

It is a complete mystery to me: Adunno worritts all abaht

Please be quiet: Odjer noise

Garden shed: Ahtahse

Hospital: Opical

Keep calm: Owdyer-ossers

Please keep to the pavement: Gerront kawzi

It is rather chilly today: Innit cowd

Listen to the rain: Arkattit

Is anything amiss?: Wotsup?

Please go away : Gerroff

Who was he with?: Oo worree wee?

Was he alone?: Worree wee iz-sen?

Have you made the tea, dear?: Aya masht midduck?

You should always obtain a certificate: Y'alluz wanna gerra susstifikut

Is your wife with you?: Aya gorra weeya?

Please desist: Ghee ova

I told him the decision was his: Atode im eekudd pleez izzen

I fear you will be in trouble: Yowl koppitt

Get up, or I may use violence: Gerrup yo, else al bat yatabb

May I accompany you?: Kanni cum anorl?

Did he say anything?: Ez ee sed owt?

Didn't you get anything?: Ant yer gorrote?

It will not hurt you: Ittle norrotcha

Eat it up: Gerrit darn yer

I have soiled my hands: Ah've gonun dottied missen 

Did it alarm you?: Were yer frit?

Please be quiet: Shurrup

What purchases are you about to make?: Wottyer gerrin?

That is your share, there is no more: Sorl yer gerrin

I am innocent: Ah don't know nowt abaht it

Please may I have a sip of your drink : Gizzah swig 

You will recover from it: Yowl gerrovver it

Do not distress yourself: 
Don't knock yersen up

Please go home: Gerroff om

He is rather small in stature: E wants sum ossmuck inniz boots

I have arrived home safely: Am om

He has withdrawn his labour: Izz not gooin ter wock terday

It is hardly worthy of consideration: Tint woth it

* Put link on Facebook.

* Margaret might be coming round today, I hope.

Saturday 4th May:

* Not a bad night again at all sleep-wise. Up at 0445hrs, WC, cuppa, medications consumed, laptop on, and surfed (The net that is of course, not the sea!).

* Got ready to go and see Margaret at her workplace, the Theatre Royal.

* Set off on me walk to town, and low and behold, another accident on Mansfield Road. A bus had hit a Fiat Cinquecento. I had the camera with me, but they were cutting out three people and a baby as I passed, so decided against taking shot. Moved on to town.

* Called in and got Margaret a chicken sandwich, bacon and  cheese square and a cream cake,  'cause she's on another split shift at work, and I thought it might save her some time if she didn't have to cook a meal. She was busy, so I only stayed a few minutes.

* Mansfield Road was choc-c-block, so I knew there would be no point in catching a bus back, so I had a hobble home to Carrington. Called in Lidl as I was passing, and got a giant tin of 'Pea Stew', never seen one before. Contents: Water, Peas semi mushy (40%), potatoes, carrots, peppers, some tiny pieces of ham and several E number additions.

* Fed the pigeons on the way to the house... well, I call it a house?.

* When I got in, I had some of the Pea Soup, it was delicious. WC.

* I was listening to the radio, and the sound suddenly stopped. I fiddled with me new headphones (I cannot hear anything clear enough just using me hearing aids), but no luck.
Put the TV on and tried again, nothing. So no radio or TV for me until I can get another set. Tsk and Shit!

* Found that the wiring had come lose on one of the ear pads. Searched around to see if I had any others, and found Two sets! Neither working. Nipped down to Lidl to see if they had any before they closed - No.

* When I got back in again, I realised I'd gone out in me slippers. (Oh dear oh dear!)

* It say's on the Nottingham Now site, that the bus driver and the car driver involved in the accident are both still in hospital, two of the car passengers were only slightly injured and ahd been treated and sent home, and the good news, the baby was unharmed. So a bit of good news there.

Sunday 5th May:

*  Up around 0600hrs. WC, cuppa, medications, and poddled about on laptop.

* Remembered I had to get new earphones today, so I can listen to me radio and TV, and some braces to keep me trousers up. So I abluted and changed into me walking gear, and hobbled into town to have a look around at about 0930hrs.
Walked into town to find it almost bare of people - when I visited the shops that might sell me requirements, I found them all closed until 1100am - must be a council Sunday stipulation?

So I had a good walk around the city centre, starting with a walk through the Victoria Centre closed shops Mall, and over the top coming down the steps on the other side of Upper Parliament Street. Descending back to ground level via the quaint Durex, sick, urine and empty bottle strewn stairway from hell, as in the photo wot I took 'ere.
Still, it gave the pigeons something to peck at.
Moved down Milton Street, with a very early Big Issue seller on his mobile.
Into the Slab Square, where I passed a dozen or so people waiting for 'Primark' to
Over the square down to St Peters church, where on the grassy-moll outside, the Bible basher's were in good voice, and the Muslims were setting up their stall in opposition a few yards away in readiness for a verbal battle no doubt.
I moved away sharpishly, and up to the back entrance to the abysmal Broad Marsh Shopping centre, up along the tram track to the top of Hockley, down Goosegate then George Street back onto Upper Parliament Street, near what used to be called the Palais de Danse. Still very few folk about.
Down to Huntingdon Street and up back into the Victoria centre.
By now the shops had started to open, so I nipped into Wilko's to view there earphones.
I bought a set for £15.99, not knowing if they would be any good.

* Then over to J Lewis to have a look at theirs - the cheapest ones were £39.99.

* As I climbed the stairs up to the gents wear dept to have a look at their braces prices - 'Ping!' me belt snapped on me trews! So now, whatever they cost, I had to get a pair didn't I. Limping around carrying me bag and holding up me trousers, I bought their cheapest pair at £19.99.
It made me think of the time I bought my very first suit as a youngster from Burton's - for £9! (Tsk)

* With aching feet I joined the queue for a bus, and got back to the hovel, eager to try out me headphones - thank heavens they worked.

Monday 6th May:

* Up at 0530hrs - WC (No blood), cuppa, laptop on, medications, and a failed search for my hearing aids.

* Bad day.

Tuesday 7th May:

* Bad night, did not get up until 0700hrs. WC, cuppa, medications etc. Felt a lot better later.

* No Warfarin blood level test today, 'cause of Bank Holiday.

* Had me breakfast. (Pictured on the left here).

* Abluted and got things ready for the launderette. Walked down and started the wash machine, and had a hobble around the block, during which I saw a car pull out in front of a cyclist, then stop and reversed into him.
It was only his quick reactions that prevented him from being ran over.
She then parked in front of the shops, having travelled about 250 yds.
I took a photo of her vehicle, as a warning to other road  users if they should see it anywhere near them.
Seeing how she failed to see the cyclist in the first place, who had right of way, then not seeing him in the mirror she didn't use, and I suspect she was using a mobile device of some sort, but cannot be certain - I think anyone on the roads of Nottingham should be warned!
Lovely looking car though - shame about the driver innit?

* Got back to launderette and as I was finishing me drying and packing the togs away in me bag, me mate 'Big John Wayne' came in, and we had a natter.
I bid my farewell's to the gal in the launderette (no reply), I walked/limped/hobbled back to the flea-pit.

* Put away me washing, put the oven on to warm up, and then had a walk to the local butchers to get some potatoes for roasting. They had some very nice looking cooked ham, so I had two slices of it.

* Got back to the hovel again, and  put potatoes in the oven. (whether I remember them or not is another question).

* Made a giant cuppa, and decided against having a walk today. So started laptop to do this update, Facebook, Cafe Spice, and then some graphics for Patti.

Wednesday 8th May:

* Up around 0515hrs, still feeling tired though, horrible dreams again. WC (No blood), laptop on, cuppa and medications taken.

* So tired. Did some graphics and Facebooking.

* Pete rang, he is coming over tomorrow to help me sort contacting CIS and sort pension.

* Did nowt really today, feeling weary.

* No plippin' sleep again. Still it gave me a chance to 'talk' to Patti and Frank in America. Frankie is going though a rough time with medical procedures. Patti is slowly recovering from major surgery - we are a right trio, all around the same age too.
Patti has written two comedy song parodies: I thought they were noth so good, I'm going to print em, and show her amazing sense of humour.

First one - to be sang to the Beatles Eight Days a Week tune.

Ooh I need a doctor,
Don't you know it's true.
Cause I have bursitis, Dementia and the flu.

Aspirin, Ben Gay, pain pills, oi vey,
Got to take my meds babe,
Eight pills a day.

Got a heart condition,
Liver's shot to hell.
And the water weight gain,
Is making my feet swell.

Aspirin, Ben Gay, pain pills, oi vey,
Ain't got nothin' but pain, babe,
Eight pills a day.

Eight pills a day,
I'm tay ay ay ay taking.
Eight pills a day,
Is not enough to ease the pain.

Got a new prescription,
Take it twice a day.
Making drug stores richer,
Just on my co-pay.

Aspirin, Ben Gay, pain pills, oi vey,
Got to take my meds, babe,
Eight pills a day.

Eight pills a day,
I'm tay ay ay ay taking.
Eight pills a day,
Is not enough to ease the pain.

Ooh I need a doctor,
Don't you know it's true.
Cause I have bursitis, Dementia and the flu.
Aspirin, Ben Gay, pain pills, oi vey,
Got to take my meds, babe,
Eight pills a day.
Eight pills a day.
Eight pills a day.

Second one - to be Sung to the Everly Brothers, "Bye-Bye Love

Bye bye youth,
Bye bye agility,
Hello senility,
I think I’m a gonna cry-y.

Bye Bye looks,
Bye Bye suppleness,
Hello bagginess,
My how time does fly-y.
Bye bye my youth goodby-y.

I was a looker at twenty-one.
During my thirties, I sure had fun.
Made it to forty
Without a frown,
But hitting sixty
That’s got me down.

Bye bye Youth,
Bye bye agility,
Hello senility,
I think I’m a gonna cry-y.

Bye Bye looks,
Bye Bye suppleness,
Hello bagginess,
My how time does fly-y.
Bye bye my youth goodby-y.

I’m pushing sixty
And I’ve been told,
It’s the new forty
And ain’t so old.
Will you please tell that
To my sex drive,
Hell I’m just happy
To be alive.

Bye bye youth,
Bye bye agility,
Hello senility,
I think I’m a gonna cry-y.

Bye Bye looks,
Bye Bye suppleness,
Hello bagginess,
My how time does fly-y.
Bye bye my youth goodby-y.
Bye bye youth goodbye. Bye bye my youth goodbye-y.

No good if you can't remember the tunes of course, but okay for us oldies. (He he)

* I was so impressed I did a couple of graphics and posted them on the web to show Patti's skills off.

Thursday 9th May:

* Managed to get off to sleep about 0445hrs at last - then of course missed me mornin' medications, and woke (0940hrs) just in time to get ready for Pete's visit at 1030hrs.

* Luckily I'd decoked my hearing aids, and Pete rang the CIS to sort out the pension policies that were confusing me somewhat. I think I'm still a little confused, but less confused than before... I think?

* Went with Pete to purchase some items as required by sister Jane.
During a walk between shops, Pete spotted a new pavement painting - done by the Council! He took a photo of it, and will end it to me via email so I can post it here later... wait and see!

* Caught bus back to the bomb-site, had me nosh, and the usual fatigue began to dawn.

* Feeling like sleep will be hard to get tonight again. Will go see GP if I have another bad one methinks.

* Pete sent the photo of Doggy sign from the pavement on Daleside Road, Nottingham.

* Managed to keep me tea intake down today again, only had three cups.
My new Cyber friend Patti says it might help me to cope with the angina problems somewhat.
Good enough for me, although I do like me cuppa normally, but I'll see how it goes with reduced intake for a few weeks.
Thanks to Patti, who is suffering with great resilience, determination, and humour with many serious medical maladies, bravely.

Saturday 11th May:

* Up at 0600hrs, bit better night for kip thank heavens. angina a bit easier too, looking good at the moment.

* Did sod all yesterday, other than work on and off on me graphics, drink, eat, pass-wind from both ends and coped with the dizzy spells.
The weather was (and still is) a little too windy for me to go on any walks, especially as I have developed a sniffle, cough and sneezing a bit. Going to stay wrapped up inside for a couple of days methinks. Get meself ready for the Warfarin level tests on Tuesday.

* Laptop started, WC, cuppa, and did some Facebooking. Patti and Frank's messaging keeps me going, they are both worthy of the Gerriculum Certificate of Appreciation yer know.

* Still, the angina has eased a bit, the new painful cough I put down to the colder weather, and me not getting out and about.

* Talk about Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer.

Sunday 12th May:

* Up 0630hrs, usual peformance to get me engine started.

* New pains higher in chest today, rather bothersome. Angina again I suspect.

*Laptop all day, then some TV for me to fall asleep to at night. Patti messaged me, and she also responded to me smudges (graphics) wot I dun. Bless her, she offered me kind support, considering her position and procedures she's going through, this humbled me.

* Decided to go to NHS Drop in centre Monday, if the new pains did not abate a bit. Took extra painkillers, not a good idea, but I felt this necessary today.

* Not a good day.

* Me latest Patti smudge - I'm glad to report that she liked this one too!

Monday 13th May:

* A new stiffness in me chest this morning, but the sharp pains have lessened nicely. Tightness probably due to me cold wot I've caught. So I decided against going to the drop-in centre today.
Got to go to the hospital clinic for me Warfarin level tests tomorrow anyway, so if anything still playing up, I can call at the Cardiac on H5.

* No WC this morning - wonder if that is a sign?

* Did some smudges early on and posted them.

* Forced meself to have a walk, to loosen meself up ready for the marathon walk to the QMC in the morning.

* Managed to pass some water to avoid possible difficulties later.

* The Moscow State Circus was setting up on the Forest site as I passed.
The cheaper concessionary blocked-view seats were only £15... huh!
Mind you, when I investigated the prices to see Acker Bilk at the Royal Centre last month, the cheapest seats were £26 - so I didn't go to hear Acker Bilk at the Royal Centre did I?
The second photo shows the massive passionate queues at the booking trailer.

* Walked to Asda and got some bread, milk and yoghurt.
Then I suddenly decided to go to Bulwell on the tram (the stop happens to be outside Asda) and have a walk around and peruse for special offers. (The wonder of the ftee bus-pass eh?)
It was windy this morning, the ever present threat of rain, but none yet.

* Arriving in Bulwell, the knees were playing up a bit. But the angina was bot too bad at all... crossed fingers...

* As I walked over the bridge from the station, I could not help but admire the detritus thrown in the river Leen.
A finer, more varied collection of crap I have never seen in any river or canal to match this one.

* I poddled to the freezer shop, but they had nothing on offer, when I came out of the shop, everywhere was wet, a short sharp shower had obviously taken place while I was musing in the shop. By gum I'm quick yer know!

* So I walked across the empty market place to see if B&M had owt on offer.
On the way, I took another photo of the church where a woman was stabbed last October, showing the wet roads.

* Nowt at B&M of interest, so I caught the bus back to the flea-pit.

* Margaret phoned, glas to say she is getting a bit better, and is going to go to work tomorrow and see how she goes. I'll call in to see her and take her some nosh on the way back from the hospital.

* 1900hrs - bloody chest pains back again - sod em!

Tuesday 14th May:

* Up around 0600hrs - did some smudges for Patti's Dailt Words of Wisdom on Facebook.

* Warfarin tests today, so I got the things ready as soon as I managed to visit the WC - usuallt no problem, but a little reluctant today. Angina still lingering a bit, but otherwise no prob's. Hurrah!

* Hoping to visit Margaret on the way back from hospital at the Theatre Royal... if I remember. Tsk!

* 0732hrs: Ah well, must power down now, and get meself abluted and changed for me marathon walk - hope it doesn't rain. TTFN all.

* Ready and off at 0810hrs - feeling good.

* 0859hrs: About ¾ of way on me walk to the QMC plates (feet) are stinging, and the chest a bit tingly.

* Arrived about 0925hrs - and fought me way through the haze of the smokers ciggies through to the waiting area inside, quite a few folk there today, 'cause of the Bank Holiday last week perhaps.

* Did a complete (Easy) crossword while waiting. Got in and was tended toby a nurse that nearly spoke to me.

* Out about 1030hrs, and caught bus to town, remembering to visit Margaret at the Theatre Royal about 1300hrs.

* Had a good walk around the city centre, then called in the library and read some of Himmler's biography, and a WWE history book (Lots of pictures in that one yer see).
Interesting Himmler's story, next time I'm in town I'll have a further read. I'd have borrowed it but the book is bigger the Hitler's Mein Kampf, and I had a bit of stuff in me bag already.

* I took a photo out of the window, of the adjoining building site where they had demolished the old Elite cinema, and were building a block of 400 flats for students. Might be of interest to me brother-inlaw Pete, as he was in the trade.

* Came out, and it was still a little early to call and see Angel Margaret, so I had a poddle though another area of the city, where I came across this car on the left parked surrounded by double yellow lines?

* Further along, I saw a new night club or whatever you call them nowadays, called Spanky Van Dykes?

* This made me think of Cliveypops and his Spunky series.
Spunky Woods

* Oh I see now, it's called an Eatery and Funhouse... a bit slow there I was, but that's nothing new nowadays for me.

* Went in to see Margaret, gave her her nibbles, and she helped me with the second crossword. Said I'd call and see her again on Thursday. Hope she copes alright.

* Caught the bus back to Carrington, and nipped in Grumps... I mean Lidl, to get bread, milk, potatoes and be glared at by the staff. (Well, it pleases them yer know)

* Got in the hovel, and put pots in oven, then updated this tosh. Feeling a bit weary now.

Wednesday 15th May:

* Not much sleep last night, got up late for me 0640hrs - cuppa and took med's quickly. No WC though? A bit worrying. However the chest pains have abated, and the knees and feet are giving no bother, hurrah!

* On laptop... oh WC now visited.

* Back down on laptop and did this funny graphic on the left amd posted it on me Facebook.

* Had a nosh of potatoes, beans and ham, followed by a lemon curd yoghourt  and two bickies with a cuppa.

By gum, the Queen would be so jealous if she knew how I lived...

* Got results from the Warfarin level tests, along with the usual advertising bumpf for currys and pizzas. Tsk!

It was spot on for the  first time ever. The angina keeps reminding me of it's presence occasionally, but the hands and knees are easier, the hernia okay, no dizzy spells since the one this morning, the piles not bad at all, and no cramps at all up to now. Great! I might take up playing squash again... perhaps not though eh? 

* Hard getting to sleep again, although very little actual pain?

Wednesday 16th May:

* So, no sleep last night at all - until 0600hrs when I nodded off at last, remembered to take me morning medication first though. woke at 1100hrs. WC (One hell of a mammoth session too!), sorted me next block of med's out, had a cuppa and got bits of nosh sorted for Margaret.
Will try to remember to get her some flowers on the walk into town to visit her.

Friday 17th May:

* Not one of me better days.

Saturday 18th May:

* Better nights kip - hurrah! Feeling a bit perkier this morning, and chest pains easing as the morning goes on too!
WC (no blood), cuppa and medications taken. I realised that I had made up all me pots of doses, and had put the Simvastin in the AM box's in error for the evening box's - so changed them around. Tsk!

* Got on with doing some graphics for Patti and Frank. Took a while to get the 'Peekaboo one right, but i enjoy doing them when someone comments on them. Makes me feel a bit better in meself.
I love doing them, and of course i have the time nowdays to indulge meself in me whims and wotsits.

* Still having bother when I bend down, but getting used to it more now.
You should see and hear me when I change clothes... or maybe not though!

* Must get out today, a walk to get some bleach, bread and spa water... God it's an exciting existence innit?
I can understand how others are so jealous of me lifestyle.
Oh, I might have a walk to town and get the Himmler biography out on loan - must find me reading glasses first though.

* I hope Patti and Frank, my two American cyber-friends are doing alright, they're both suffering with great dignity.

Sunday 19th May:

* Another decent night (I could get to like this), up at 0530hrs, and the chest pains started early. Still the knees, hernia, hands and piles are not so bad today yet.

* WC (No blood), laptop and kettle on, medications taken, and did a bit of Facebooking, Cafe Spice, and graphics for Patti and Frankie.

* Think I might have a walk today, and take some photo's in Nottingham, then I can update me Facebook Nottingham photo's gallery perhaps?
Now, where's me camera?
Decisions decisions decisions... Tsk!

* Might take an extra painkiller if the chest pains don't abate soon. 

* Did an wedding anniversary smudge for Carole and Skoobie, and posted that as well. Hope they have a great day.

* Went up to turn the water heater on, and found a new item to stub me toe on - the lamp that had somehow fell off me stool overnight - ah well!

* Went up to do me ablutions and get dressed into me rags for the walk.

* Came down and spent bloomin' ages loooking for me reading long range glasses, camera/batteries, then me bus pass and finally the house keys.

* Had a poddle into town.

* Called into Aldi store (on right), and got some bits, and have to report a new member of staff, (she had to be new, she was too helpful and respectful to be an older more experienced member of Aldi's staff), was helpful and patient... and also called me back when she realised I'd left me bank card in the payment machine!
Phew! nearly did it again there, a big thank you to the gal on the checkout from this old fart I can tell yer!

* Had a limp around town, and when I passed the old Virgin, the HMV shop that
has been closed down for a  year or so, maybe even more, I noticed they had renewed their effort to get some idiot to rent the shop lease, with bigger brighter posters on the windows of the shop - but this time, they left off printing the fact that they want £322,128 a year in rent!
Cor blimey, no wonder there are so many closed retail units all over Nottingham is it at these rents?
Perhaps I could rent it to sell me smudges out of?
Only joking here you know!

* Feet now beginning to ache, but the knees doing nicely, I walked up into the Slab Square.

* Here I took a shot of the tram coming into town on its way to the Train station.
Just out of shot is a Big Issue seller, she was on her mobile for the entire ten minutes I was there, and a busker with ginormous speakers blaring out some old tunes from the 70s I think. No one went near him, most gave the poor sod dirty looks and grimaced at him.

* Caught bus back to the flea-pit, and had a wonderful nosh.
Potatoes, parsnips, pickled beetroot (after a ten minute battle to open the jar), and beans, followed by a lemon yogurt with a cuppa.

* The afternoon fatigue came a little earlier than usual, and I faded. 

Monday 20th May:

* Up at 0500hrs, WC, where I spent a good while, so long I was glad I kept me books up there to help take me mind off the pain - had a re-read of Stalingrad.

* Laptop on, cuppa, medications consumed, and back to the WC. (Bit of blood again, nowt to worry about methinks)

* Did some smudges I was mildly pleased with and posted them. Patti not so good at the moment, I pray she copes and gets some relief from her suffering.

* I did a rework of the PFG (Patti Frank Gerry) cabin graphic, and added some extras, the water pump, chickens, birds and changed Frankies hat to a Davy Crockett one, as well as moving bits about. I hope they like it.

* The angina seems to be relenting a bit, good news that, but you never know do you. Tsk!

* Might try to take a walk again later, keep the knees going.

* Must give sister Jane a call later, see how she and Pete going on.

* Watched on DVD some episodes of Life on Mars 1st series - not watched them for a few years, enjoyed them.

Tuesday 21st May:

* Better nights kip last night, although full of the usual dreams, I felt a lot better this morning as I reckon I got a good 6 hours in, and no WC visits, not even now after I've been up for an hour or so. (Bit worrying really, I've gotten used to to my three trips in the first hour - Tsk!)

* Medications taken, cuppa, and on the laptop.

* Must get things ready for the launderette in a bit.

* Got a nick when shaving - bit of a job to stop the bleeding.

* Big John called, he was kindly going to pick me up from home, and take me to launderette.

* Big John Wayne lifted me home with the laundry, then took me to Asda to get shopping in.

* Had a good hobble around Asda, buying things I did not need, and having a natter with Big John, who then lifted me home and took out the heavy bags for me to the door.

* I felt well shattered after I'd eaten, and dissolved into the chair where I stayed, moving only to use the WC, make a cuppa, and get me med's.

Wednesday 22nd May:

* Got up at 0500hrs, and pondered over; the many dreams I'd had, and then forgot them immediately. Kettle on, WC (No blood), laptop started, more wind passed, cuppa and med's taken, still felt a little weary for some reason.

* The flippin' laptop's medical condition is worse than my health is! Managed to do a Young-Patti smudge, but it took yonks and yonks.
Very slow, stuttering, not enough power, and all sort of warnings coming up. (Bit like me really)

* Decided to take a walk into town and the market to see if I could get a large saucepan to replace the one I incinerated.
En route i called in Aldi to get some shatiki mushrooms and their own brand crisps Naughty I know).
The lady on the checkout kindly short changed me, but being as she reminded me I'd left me cash card behind the other day, and she gave me the pound that was short in me change without sneering or scowling at me (She must have been new.)

* Plodded on to the market and had a walk around, so sad to see so many stalls unoccupied. I called in the Alladin's Cave shop where they seem to sell everything for the household uses, and bought a cheapo saucepan (We my record in the burning of food department, why risk getting an expensive one?). Costing £8.99, I gave her a £20 note, and got £1.01 change - hello I thought as I walked out of the stall, this ain't right! I approached the woman who said immediately "I know, your change was short... and gave me the missing tenner. (Hump!)

* Aware of the 'Things happen in Threes' legend... I decided against going in the pound shop to have a look around... risk it? With my record today? No!

* Put some belly pork in the oven, potatoes on the boil in the new pan, and peas and mushrooms in the little saucepan, I started the laptop to update this drivel. Must have taken me a record length of time.
I fear the worst for me old laptop... poor thing.

* Well, just look at the new photo on the left?
No words needed methinks... other than curse words?
That was garden peas and Shitako mushrooms.
Not any more.
So sad.
The pungent smell lingers throughout the flea-pit...

* Computer not letting me work on Coreldraw, will have an uneducated fiddle with things in the AM to see if I can do anything with it. (The laptop I mean of course)

Thursday 23rd May:

* Bad night, but things improved when I got up, and started pottering about. WC later than usual again, cuppa, medications, toyed with laptop to try and get improved performance. Then remembered that brother-in-law Pete was callling to see me when he'd dropped of Jane (my sister) at 'Keep-Fit class'.

* So, I put the oven on, and prepared some jacket potatoes top recipe three, and put em in the oven.

* Continued with the laptop trials, did a graphic, then I emptied the potato husks, mixed me ingredients and refilled the skins and returned them to the oven to brown off while I shot up and did me ablutions, managing to cut meself near me tab-hole in the process, but it was okay, hardly bled at all. (Warfarin level low?)

* Pete rang to say he was outside as I was coming back down the stairs. Perfect timing from Pete.
The potatoes were ready and I wrapped them in foil and gave them to Pete first thing, just in case I forgot about them later.

* We had a natter, and laugh, and I showed him me artwork on the computer - that was still slow, but going, nad allowing me to use Coreldraw in a fashion.

* Pete shot off to collect Jane, and I returned to the laptop.

* Very late in the day for me, and despite the threat of rain in the air, I felt I needed a little walk, and set off to walk to Lenton (Only about a mile each way, if that). Thought I'd get some bread from Aldi, and have a look to see if BM had any bargains.

* Fed the birds en-route on the Forest. Arriving at the retail park, I went into Aldi's and got some bread, to be given 5x1p pieces and five 2p pieces in the change? Huh! At least I wasn't overcharged or short changed this time.

* I poddled over to BM, where nothing of any interest took my eye, so I limped back home, somewhat more slowly than I limped there. (The feet oh)

* The sky darkened and I thought I was going to get caught in a downpour, but it held off until I got back to the dump.
Where the Sherlock Holmes DVD was put on, and nothing creative, inventive or worthwhile done, as I dosed, passed wind, had a big meal, followed be more of the same until finally my body allowed me to get to sleep of sorts.

* The rain came as I got in the hovel.

* No WC visits throughout the night, a bit concerning in a way, but a nice change.

Friday 24th May:

* Usual dream filled but no recollection of details night. WC visit urgently tended to, but then again I was up much later than usual, around 0630hrs.
Cuppa, medications, much wind, angina not so bad this morning up to now, hernia okay, knees/feet okay too, hands great, ulcer fair, ticker ticking, no dizzies and a massive pile of washing up scowling at me each time I go into the kitchen. 

* Laptop okay, but I've not tried using Coreldraw yet. Yep, seems to be operating, so did some smudges and Facebooking, enjoyed it too.

* The rain drizzled down, and I made a pan of stew. Potatoes, parsnips, onions, carrots, beans etc, and ate it with relish and bread.
I can report the saucepans and oven dish both survived the ordeal today - although it was a bit close for the small saucepan, merely singed the fodder in it, no incinerations! Hurrah!

* No walks today, had a real idle day, but still managed to nod-off for a while this afternoon, waking up thinking it was morning - Tsk!

Saturday 25th May:

* Up at 0530hrs - WC, cupp a, med's and laptop on.

* Did a smudge of Frankie as Santa Claus wot i wus pleased with.

* Frankie contacted me on Facebook, to confirm he was coming to Nottingham just to see me - nice that. Today I'm going to go into town and visit the tourist centre to see if they can give me some bumpf to send him so he can plan ahead a bit.

* Got meself ready and had a walk into town. Not bad weather, wind a bit less, and sunny periods.
Had a walk around and ended up in Broad Marsh centre, got some salted popcorn for Jane and Pete.
Popped in Nottingham Caves place and got some leaflets to send to Frankie.
Called in tourist centre and explained  about what Frankie required, but this Polish sounding lady just said she'd send the usual booklet. Good job I got the others, but at least they will send their bumpf on Monday.

* Caught bus back to the bomb-site. Put leaflets into big envelope, wrote Frank's address on it, and had a walk to Sherwood Post Office, and got it checked and posted. 

* Got back in the dump and had chips, beetroot, and polish ham with peppers sandwiches.

* Fell asleep with aching feet and blazing angina, woke up an hour later, feeling much better. So updated this rubbish.

* Angina bad, to extra pain-killers, and toyed on Facebook. Got two messages at once... enjoyed that. Two of the lads of Cafe Spice. Both concerned about me health bless them.
Patti sent in new Thought of the day, and I made it up and posted it.

* Around 0350hrs, the angina abated a lot. I managed to get to kip around 0400hrs or so.
Laptop still a bit slow.

Sunday 26th May:

* Woke up about 0630hrs, got up at 0740hrs. Kettle on, WC (Tiny bit of blood), knees and hands fine this morning, piles present, hernia not bad, ticker ticking, ulcer no hassle and angina just a tad bothersome. Cuppa and medications taken, and updated this load of Horlicks.

* Spent all day (between short nodding-off periods) on the web or Coreldraw doing smudges, oh and eating.

Monday 27th May:

* Arose at 0640hrs, WC (painful and bloody effort this one... oh dearie me), made a cuppa and knocked me plates off the kitchen sink. Amazingly none broke, bit of an effort picking them up though, but no dizzies followed. Took me medications (A bit late I know), and updated this pathetic diary.

* Had a wander to Asda, where I got some DVD's for sister Jane, and bread, and learnt rather a lot about the operator on till number 6, heard while I waited in the queue for till 5, gathered from the conversation that took place between the two ambidextrous ladies while they served folk.
Asda till ladies report:
" Our Hilda came round and I told her straight, I ain't goin' on Wednesday, 'cause the stuff is 'orrible and too dear!... (To customer That'll be £49.42 please)"
" I cun gerrit (thank you do you want any cashback?) frum Boot's fer less cash. 'Ave a good day midduck"
My lady on till 5, was very capable indeed, she managed to serve me, gossip with her colleague on number 6 till, and talk to staff walking by, while keeping her eyes wandering all over the place at the same time.

* I foolishly took a different route for me walk home, slightly longer and with a great deal of uphill hobbling. The old legs feet and ankles were rwanging a bit by the time I got home with me bits.

* Still, on the bright side, I managed to get some sleep in.

Tuesday 28th May:

* Up at 0450hrs - WC (Blood), cuppa, med's and updated this tosh.

* Got my laundry and nibble for the gal ready, and sang as I hobbled in the rain down to the launderette. Big John came in as I put washing in the machine.
We had a good chat and a laugh about getting older.

* I nipped out to Lidl to get bread and bits. The chap on the checkout (another new one) was chatting to the one on the next til - (Is this compulsory nowadays?) throughout his serving the customer before me, then me.

* I took the stuff home, and them went for a walk to the butchers to get pastie and potatoes, but they were closed. So I returned back to the decrepit-dwelling, put me togs away, and made and ate a giant salad of sorts.

* Watched a DVD all the way though without nodding off, but caught up with 'em afterwards.

* Missed midday medications, but remembered the evening ones 1838hrs.

* The rain still coming down.

* Went on laptop to Facebook, Cafe Spike, and Coreldraw.
Stayed on laptop until 0500hrs, when I too me morning medications and flaked out in chair.

Wednesday 29th May:

* Woke up 0830hrs, WC (No blood), remembered not to take medications, and opn the laptop Again! Well, I was invited to join a site called 'The Troll Free Zone'.
There are all the folk I miss from Yahoo Answers, which I left due to some insulting emails I received.
It's great to talk with so many nice people again. Suzie, Sandra, Gladys, Lynda, Thomas, Richard, Warren and others.

* I went up and did my ablutions and got changed, and the rain had stopped when I got down, so I decided to go to the butchers and get potatoes, two satsumas and a strip of belly pork. (By gum I live well!).

* I got some nice big pot's, fresh sat's and a thick slice of belly pork, and on the way home, thought I'd have a walk to Lidl to be insulted, scowled at, and get some more nosh.
Arrived just as the rain was starting in earnest again - I blame that Ernest for a lot you know.

* Loaded with me oven chips, jar of fancy mushrooms, yogurt, 2 bananas. (Huh, if the Queen knew she'd be so jealous!)
I set off for home in the rain, only a short walk from there.

* Had a funny feeling all the way back - couldn't place what it was until I'd got in the hovel and realised I'd left me other bag with the potatoes, satsumas and belly pork at Lidl's checkout.

* I hobbled as fast as I could back to the store, and as I approached I could see the bag on the floor through the windlow- hastily I entered and retrieved it - minus the belly pork! Tsk!

* Got soaked on the way back home again. (Tut!)

* Made me nosh, and got on laptop to update this tosh while it cooked.

Thursday 30th May:

* I couldn't force the body to stir until 0815hrs this morning (late night again Tsk!).
Kettle on, WC, hurriedly took the morning med's, and laptop on.

* I spent ages wandering around trying to find my mobile phone, eventually realising it was my pyjama pocket.

* An idle day, no walks. Hours and hours on the web throughout the day, then spent the night on it as well! Fool! .

Got me head down around 0600hrs. Took me morning medications first.

Friday 31st May:

* Up at 1145hrs - WC (Phew), water heater on, cuppa, and on here to update with very little really.

* Must get to chemist today and sort our my prescriptions pick-up date.

* Went up and did my ablutions and changed togs to go on a little walk to butchers, paper shop and chemist to find out what date to pick up med's.
You know I wish I could record the noise when I put me socks on - this morning it went something like this:
Argh, hhhup, oh, argh, oooooo, agagag, ah, 'Expletive', argh, eek, gasp, 'Expletive', howhowhow, erkgaggle, 'Expletive', go on, argh, sodyou, oower, ach, got yer! Now for the other one.

* Poddled to butchers for 2 pastie, 2 potatoes and 1 belly pork strip. £6.
Walked down Hucknall Road to chemists. The gave the date of the 14th June to collect med's. It will be interesting to see of they are right this time, 'cause they have been wroong on the last 3 times they gave me a date.
Popped in newspaper shop for TV mag, fed the pigeons on the way back.

* Got in the hovel, went through to put stuff away - only to find I'd left the hot water tap running! Huh, Tsk and soddit!
Went up and turned on the heater again - hope I remember to turn it off.

* Put pork and potatoes in the oven with some parsnips, pasties in the fridge. Tin of beans, with added sultanas, viniger and basil prepared. Gosh I live well!

* On laptop to update this load of tosh at 1530hrs. Hello, the rain's fallin' again!